Causes of Divorce: Stop Blaming it on Women!
I am a Lebanese woman living in hell since I divorced. “Social hell” if I can label it this way… Lebanese society is of course diverse, still, its perception of divorced women is archaic and sexist. Women are usually blamed for a failed marriage: “she could have prevented it”, “she did not sacrifice enough”, “how could she do it when there are kids?”, “poor man, she must have a lover”, “she is a bitch”, “she can’t have children, this is why he left her”, “his mistress is far more exciting”, “he is man, he has needs”, “she can’t make him happy”…
Divorced women are seen as unwanted and pitiable, or whores! All divorced women are not just oversexed vixens looking for a quick one-nighter without a name!
As I see it, stereotypes about women’s roles and behavior totally obscure the driving forces that can split a marriage. I think it’s about time to deconstruct a binary universe where wives are tasked with creating intimacy in the home and men are emotionally deficient beings who require their guidance. What we hear less often is straight talk about the social and economic factors that drive the engine of divorce. When people are struggling to pay the rent and keep a roof over their heads, the marriage problem isn’t likely to be some kind of deficiency in managing intimacy. Given the fact that divorce is expensive and often leaves women financially insecure, the stressors would have to be pretty severe to lead women of few resources to divorce.
What about getting in for the wrong reasons – marrying for money, or marrying because it’s what you think you should do? What about lack of individuality – a codependent relationship is not healthy? And becoming lost in the roles – most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they are a couple?
What about not having shared vision of success (savers versus spenders)? Change in the Intimacy department? Unmet expectations? Being out of touch? Different priorities and interests? Inability to resolve conflicts? Families’ interferences? Inauthenticity (How many times do you catch yourself saying “yes” when you really mean “no?” Do you say, “I don’t know” for fear of being judged, dismissed or rejected? When we systematically accept things against our will, shut down to keep the peace and rationalize why that’s okay, we set ourselves up for resentment and anger down the line)? Incongruence (Most of our communication is non-verbal, and when it’s out of sync with our words, we are sending mixed messages. No wonder couples argue, get frustrated and eventually tune each other out!)? Win-lose attitude?
“I can’t help but think that I would much rather be seen for the reality of who I am, rather than the myth of endless women who have paraded their wares before me at a much lower price”.
Rabia Al-Adawiyya,Iraqi Sufi and Poet: on Women's Spiritual Experience
Women’s spiritual experience has been suppressed through much of modern history – considering the historical credence given to the masculine perspective of the divine over the earthier, fleshy, relationship-centered perspective of the feminine – and is only now been recovered in its full richness: Julian of Norwich, England, the Ashanti women of Ghana, Lady Kasa of Japan, Rabia Al-Adawiyya, Isadora Duncan, Virginia Woolf, Pema Chödrön, Sharon Olds, Amy Tan, etc.
The luminous presence of women who follow the Sufi Way—the mystical path of Islam—is brought to life in many books – check for example Muslim Women Mystics for Margaret Smith – through their sacred songs and poetry, their dreams and visions, and stories of their efforts as they witness the Truth in many realms. These writings reflect the honor and respect for the feminine in the Sufi worldview, and they are shared in the spirit of inspiration and hope for the flourishing contributions of women to the spiritual development of humanity.
Because Sufism sheds hierarchical and social distinctions in favor of a total consummation with the Beloved (Allah), women have always held an important position. Rabia Al-Adawiyya or Rabia of Basra or Rabia Al-Basri was an eighth-century saint about whom many legends were composed, along with the ninth-century healer Lady Nafisa, who was renowned for her Qur’anic knowledge and whose tomb is still a sacred destination for spiritual pilgrims of many religious traditions.
Rabia was born to a poor family in Basra in what is now Iraq. Her parents died of famine and she was eventually sold into slavery. The story is told that her master one night woke up and saw a light shining above her head while she was praying. Stunned, he freed her the next morning. Rabia chose a solitary life of prayer, living much of her life in desert seclusion. As her twelfth-century biographer, Attar, wrote, “She was set apart in the seclusion of holiness.” She needed nothing because she had everything, and she refused to marry, even when a suitor promised her wealth. She replied that material riches bring only anxiety and sadness, while the life of surrender brings peace.
According to Charles Upton: “The bulk of the Rabi’a material as we know it comes from stories of her interactions with those who came to challenge or learn from her. Uncompromising and single-minded in her devotion to the highest spiritual realization, she belittled miracles that apparently happened around her, the fear of hell, and the desire for paradise. Sometimes even well-known spiritual figures, like Hasan of Basra, could be the butt of her sharper wit, deeper wisdom, and greater spiritual power. To place Rabi’a in perspective we might compare her to another great Sufi figure and one of the greatest spiritual writers of all time – Rumi. First, she stands some five hundred years earlier, close to the beginnings of Sufi poetry as we know it. If Rumi is the Ocean, Rabi’a is the Well. If Rumi has sheer ecstatic energy and compacted multidimensional meanings, Rabi’a has virgin clarity and undistracted focus. Along with the taste of wine, she carries the taste of water – a precious substance when you live, as Rabi’a did, in the desert of God” (Doorkeeper of the Heart: Versions of Rabi A)
“I have made You the Companion of my heart.
But my body is available to those who desire its company,
And my body is friendly toward its guest,
But the Beloved of my heart is the guest of my soul.”
“My peace is in solitude but my Beloved is always with me. Whenever I witness His Beauty He is my prayer niche (mihrab); toward Him is my qibla. Oh Healer of souls, the heart feeds upon its desire and its striving towards Union with You has healed my soul. You are my Joy and my Life to Eternity. You were the Source of my life; from You came my ecstasy. I have separated myself from all created beings, for my hope is for Union with You; for that is the Goal of my searching.”
” I love You with two loves-a selfish love And a Love that You are worthy of. As for the selfish love, it is that I think of You, To the exclusion of everything else. And as for the Love that You are worthy of, Ah! That I no longer see any creature, but I see only You! There is no praise for me in either of these loves, But the praise in both is for You.”
The sole object of Rabia’s life was bound up in her yearning and passionate love (shawq) for her Beloved, which meant not merely the destruction of her self (nafs) but surrender to Allah every moment in the perfect Union in which there is no Lord and slave, no Creator and created being, only He in Himself. In that state she came to realize that she existed in Him without any possibility of separation from His indivisible Oneness.
My Journey with Plastic Surgery is Over!
I began this journey with physical embellishment in my early 20s with Rhinoplasty or the nose job. In my 30s: breast augmentation, liposuction and eyelid lifts. In my 40s, a vaginal wall repair surgery after delivering two babies. My husband wasn’t happy with a wider vagina. Is he happy today? Not at all… What have I done to myself? I honestly am lost, and I feel objectified as a woman.
I live in Lebanon, called recently the ‘Mekka’ of Plastic Surgery. My country has the highest number of plastic surgeons per head. It seems that the background to this lies with the Civil War and the need at that time for plastic surgeons capable of dealing with physical disfigurements. However, it has more to do nowadays with unrealistic standards of beauty. Plastic surgeons deny the gravity of the situation. According to most of them, plastic surgery is to correct deformity in the face and body; it’s like wearing makeup or clothing. Still, extremes are becoming the ‘norms’ here… In the US, which has the highest overall number of cosmetic procedures in the world, every patient seeking treatment must first undergo a psychiatric screening, which is unfeasible in Lebanon and the Middle East. People run away from psychiatrists, relating them only to treating ‘crazy’ individuals.
I struggled for a long time to look like skinny Western super models, going back for multiple surgeries over the years. I was diagnosed lately with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and lack of self-esteem. Three diagnostic criteria are listed for Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision: (1) a preoccupation with an imagined or slight defect in appearance (if a slight physical defect is present, the person’s degree of concern is extreme); (2) marked distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of functioning resulting from the appearance preoccupation; and (3) the preoccupation is not attributable to the presence of another psychiatric disorder (e.g., anorexia nervosa).
In other words, people with this disorder become preoccupied with a real or perceived minor physical defect and go to extensive lengths to hide or change it. They often seek out plastic surgery and are typically unhappy with the results. Worrying about their perceived defect significantly interferes with daily functioning. Believe me, this is the case of so many women in Lebanon, with deconstructed identities, dependent of others’ perceptions, especially men’s.
“BDD is often misunderstood as a vanity-driven obsession, whereas it is quite the opposite; people with BDD do not believe themselves to be better looking than others, but instead feel that their perceived “defect” is irrevocably ugly or not good enough. People with BDD may compulsively look at themselves in the mirror or, conversely, cover up and avoid mirrors. They typically think about their appearance for at least one hour a day and usually more”.
I am still working on myself, learning to be confident, developing and exploring new spaces in my identity, how am I being ‘human’ with my qualities and defaults woman, mother, spouse, citizen… Beauty for me used to be a standard to apply, but today, it’s more subjective, relative, and it’s not only anymore a physical feature.
Sex Trafficking in Lebanon
Sex trafficking is considered to be part of human trafficking or modern-day slavery. Up to 27 million people are living in slavery around the world: women and men, girls and boys, and their stories remind us of the kind of inhumane treatment we are capable of as human beings. In 2012, Lebanon was among the Tier 2 Watch List (refer to UNHCR report), a country described as “source and destination for women and children who are subjected to forced labor and sex trafficking”, a transit point for Eastern European women and children subjected to trafficking in other Middle Eastern countries.
The government’s “artiste” visa program facilitates the entry of women on three-month visas to work as “dancers” in Lebanon’s adult entertainment industry. In 2011, 6024 women entered the country under this visa program.
“Some Syrian women in street prostitution may be forced to engage in prostitution, and Syrian girls are reportedly brought to Lebanon for the purpose of prostitution, including through the guise of early marriage. Anecdotal information indicates that Lebanese children are victims of forced labor within the country, particularly in street begging as well as commercial sexual exploitation facilitated by male pimps, husbands, and “boyfriends,” and at times through early marriage. Small numbers of Lebanese girls may be taken to other Arab countries for exploitation in prostitution”.
“The Government of Lebanon does not fully comply with the minimum standards for the elimination of trafficking; however, it is making significant efforts to do so. During the reporting period, the government enacted an anti-trafficking law, implemented awareness campaigns for foreign workers, increased investigations into allegations of abuse, and referred an increased number of victims for assistance. The government made combating human trafficking a national priority and demonstrated concerted efforts to educate the public on human trafficking. The government failed to show substantial progress in identifying foreign or Lebanese victims of trafficking –particularly victims of domestic servitude and commercial sexual exploitation – and allocated minimal resources to protecting victims. The government also failed to bring specific charges of forced labor or forced prostitution in cases involving abuses against migrant workers and did not assign adequate punishment to deter such crimes”.
“There is no evidence that a sex trafficking case has ever been prosecuted in Lebanon, and the government has yet to prosecute a case of forced labor using the existing forced labor statutes in Lebanon’s penal code. Pursuit of such cases appeared to have been hampered by bureaucratic indifference and inefficiency, limited coordination between relevant ministries, court backlogs, and a lack of sufficient anti-trafficking training among police and judges, as well as cultural biases, particularly against foreign domestic workers. Given the significant hurdles to pursuing criminal complaints in the Lebanese court system and victims’ lack of adequate legal representation and knowledge of their rights, many foreign victims opted for quick administrative settlements followed by repatriation. Evidence suggests, however, that many cases were not resolved, and trafficking victims were deported without receiving their due wages”.
According to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime report (2008), it remains very difficult to assess the gravity of the phenomenon partly because the crime of trafficking remains hidden and few cases are reported, the report said: “Victims are afraid to speak out, dreading retribution or stigmatization. Many simply do not know their rights. Silence perpetuates the cycle of exploitation”.
Another major obstacle in identifying and helping victims is the absence of laws explicitly criminalizing trafficking. Only about 60 cases of human trafficking are officially identified every year in Lebanon, which, according to the report, does not reflect the reality of the situation in the country.
Women and children are the key target group, because of their marginalization, limited economic resources and predominance in the “invisible” formal sector. According to Barry, Kathleen (The Prostitution of Sexuality, 1995: New York University Press, pg. 1), prostitution is normalized and women are perceived more and more as commodities that can be purchased. Barry claims that “sexual exploitation objectifies women by reducing them to sex. Barry also states that the theory of posing women as products to be used for sexual purposes, originates from society, thus a “public condition” and furthermore, it is a consequence of patriarchy. Hence, women are subjugated because society is dominated by male power and the society differentiates between men and women.
Furthermore, Barry speaks of sexual exploitation in all aspects, as rape, pornography, and also trafficking. She believes it is important not to divide the concepts, in order to give a proper image of the extent of the problem of sexual exploitation. When studying trafficking and prostitution it becomes clear that within this trade, women are considered without value, they are expendable.
“People must be aware and make others aware that human beings cannot be purchased; they are not items with price tags. Even more, people are free and must not be held against their will to perform exhaustive tasks in humiliation with no material return. As the American Writer and Nobel Prize Winner Pearl S. Buck once said, “None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free”. For the sake of humanity and in order to at least halt the inclination of trafficking in persons, each individual must have a sense of ownership towards this case that affects us all; the society as a whole is accountable of spreading the awareness necessary to inform the world of this crime and mobilize people to stop it” (Human Trafficking and Economic Globalization. Sex Trafficking in Women – The Contemporary Slavery. By Rasha Jammal)
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Refer also to: Lebanon: UNODC launches report on trafficking
Expert on Trafficking in Persons Ends Visit to Lebanon
Sigma Huda, Special Rapporteur of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights on trafficking in persons, especially women and children, statement to media, September 15, 2005
In the course of my mission, I have found that a significant number of human beings, women in the majority, are trafficked into and within Lebanon. Unfortunately, their plight seems to remain unknown to significant parts of Lebanese society, perhaps because the victims tend to be foreign nationals or are considered to be of low social status. Lebanon’s victims of trafficking are often invisible victims because they suffer in places that remain hidden to the public eye such as private homes or hotel rooms.
Work Worries – Women going abroad to work is leading to more human trafficking
Lanka Business Online, 04 Mar 2005
Sri Lankan women are trafficked to Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, the United Arab Emirates,Bahrain and Qatar, mainly as sex workers or for forced labor.
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Image source: A woman dances on the bar of a Beirut nightclub. Credit: Marwan Naamani/AFP/Getty Images
Manipulation: How to Spot it and What to Do about it?
Who can honestly say that he-she never manipulated someone else in his-her life and/or has never been manipulated?
Etymologically, manipulation (from ‘manipulation’ in French and ultimately from ‘manipulus’ in Latin) refer to: treating or operating with or as if with the hands or by mechanical means (but this is not the content i am pointing at in this post); managing or utilizing skillfully (closer…); controlling or playing upon by artful, unfair or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage/purpose (bingo!!!). It is about wanting to have power and controlling – politically, economically, in a couple, in a family, in a community… Either physically or/and emotionally-psychologically…
Humanity is marked by manipulation at all levels. For some, it allows humans to survive and the most manipulative is the fittest/strongest. For others, it is an abomination. In fact, it is part of our human condition and it has both negative and positive impacts – but what is positive for me is negative for others and vice-versa!
Most of us have engaged in some sort of covertly aggressive behavior from time to time. Periodically trying to manipulate a person or a situation doesn’t make someone a covert-aggressive personality. Personality can be defined by the way a person habitually perceives, relates to and interacts with others and the world at large. The tactics of deceit, manipulation and control are a steady diet for covert-aggressive personality. It’s the way they prefer to deal with others and to get the things they want in life.
How is it possible to spot manipulators and what can you do about it? Here are few tips:
1- You make a statement and it will be turned around – so there is no use in trying to be honest but don’t capitulate and don’t accept an apology that feels untrue.
2- A manipulator will almost always agree to help but change his mind constantly. So, if he says yes, make him accountable for it. Do not buy into the sighs and subtleties, or leave him to his theater.
3- A manipulator says one thing and later assures you he did not say it: if you find yourself for example in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what’s been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity, you are experiencing emotional manipulation. So a manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying, and explaining things away, so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. The solution: RUN! AVOID! Or carry a pad of papers and a pen and start making notations during conversations to record his words for posterity’s sake!
4- A manipulator is an excellent guilt monger! He can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough, etc. Most of us are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce our feelings of guilt. Also, a manipulator uses ‘sympathy’: he is a ‘great victim’. So, again: RUN! AVOID! BE INDIFFERENT! Or try to make a point of not fighting other people’s battles or doing their dirty work for them.
5- A manipulator does not deal with things directly. He will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what he would not say himself. He is passive aggressive, meaning he finds subtle ways of letting you know he is not happy.
6- If you have a headache, a manipulator will have a brain tumor! No matter what your situation is, the manipulator has probably been there or is there now but only ten times worse. So a manipulator has a way or de-railing the conversation and putting the spotlight back on himself. And if it happens that you call him on his behavior, he will become deeply wounded and claim it is you who are always in the spotlight. Don’t bother proving the contrary. Trust your gut and walk away!
7- No sense of accountability! No responsibility for himself or his behavior. It is always about what everyone else has ‘done to him’.
Obviously, it is difficult to label directly a person ‘a manipulator’. It takes time and conscious effort. A manipulator’s aggression is not always obvious. Our gut may tell us that they’re fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can’t point to clear, objective evidence they’re aggressive, we can’t readily validate our feelings.
All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we’re aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: ” I know I have a big guilt button.” – But at the time their manipulative child is busily pushing that button, they can easily forget what’s really going on. Besides, sometimes we’re unaware of our biggest vulnerabilities. Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when and how hard. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited. What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we’ve been taught to believe about human nature. We’ve been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or “hung-up.” So, while our gut tells us we’re dealing with a ruthless conniver, our head tells us they must be really frightened or wounded “underneath.” What’s more, most of us generally hate to think of ourselves as callous and insensitive people. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don’t really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We’re more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator’s character.
SOLUTIONS?
BOOSTING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM; GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF AND OTHERS BETTER; RECOGNIZING THAT THE MANIPULATOR IS NOT USING DEFENSIVE TACTICS BUT OFFENSIVE ONES IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN POSITION, GAIN POWER AND TO REMOVE ANY OBSTACLE; PRACTICE THE ‘INDIFFERENT’ MINDSET AND POSITION; AVOID CONVERSATIONS OR REDUCE THOSE TO THE MINIMUM, etc.
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Mémoire et Identité au Liban : de l’Exclusion à la Médiation
Vivant depuis 1999 entre le Liban et le Canada, je fais partie de la génération des enfants de la guerre du Liban en sa période la plus sanglante, étant née et ayant grandi dans son cadre. La mémoire chargée de souffrances et d’une quête incessante de survie, je cherche constamment un sens au tumulte de mon existence et de celle de mes proches ; en fait, de celle de tous les Libanais. Pourquoi sommes-nous pris dans un cercle vicieux duquel nous n’arrivons pas à nous échapper ? Pourquoi la haine, les tensions, la discorde, l’exclusion de tout ce qui est “autre” ? Qui sont les responsables ? Sommes-nous tous responsables ? Comment définir ce “nous” ? Faut-il s’engager pour un meilleur avenir en assumant les déboires du passé ou faut-il tourner la page ? Faut-il oublier ou ne pas oublier ? Sommes-nous tous des morts en sursis, vivant dans l’angoisse de la prochaine explosion ? Ou pouvons-nous croire à l’émergence d’une aube lumineuse, ou du moins à la mise en place d’un processus réformateur ? Quelles seraient les stratégies à adopter ? Quels seraient les chantiers à entreprendre ? Quelles seraient les forces de changement capables de mettre en route ce processus ?
Ces questions tournant autour de la guerre et de la paix, de la mémoire, de l’identité, qui émanent d’expériences et d’interrogations personnelles, d’un vécu personnel, sont à la base de mes travaux académiques, sociocommunautaires et artistiques, et en constituent le moteur. Ce sont ces mêmes questions, doublées d’un vécu de rencontres de diversités, de la découverte de leurs richesses et de la convivialité, qui me poussent à m’engager à plusieurs niveaux, en combinant la théorie et la pratique, la réflexion et l’action. Je me situe en quelque sorte dans un mouvement plus large qu’on nomme communément celui des “intellectuels engagés”, tels Pierre Bourdieu, Edward Saïd, Samir Kassir, et bien d’autres encore, qui analysent une société pour lui donner des outils lui permettant de se transformer, tout en osant agir sur le terrain.
Mon cheminement est en lui-même un processus de mise en mémoire, qui chante un Liban avec ses dilemmes et sa beauté, ses souffrances, ses drames individuels et collectifs, ses conflits et ses rêves, ses islams et ses christianismes, ses diverses autres cultures et spiritualités, son “manque” et son “peuplé” ; un Liban qui semble a priori perdu, sombrant dans l’aliénation, mais qui porte en son sein les semences du renouvellement. Mon récit est celui d’une résistance face au bâillonnement de la mémoire et, comme le dit si bien le journaliste et poète Fady Noun, une “insurrection des mots”, tout aussi politique et publique que personnelle.
Le Liban est plus que jamais frappé par une crise multiforme – crise sociopolitique et économique, crise de la gestion de la diversité (confessionnalisme), corruption endémique, dysfonctionnement d’une administration étatique pléthorique, crise de mémoire, crise identitaire, crise des genres – et d’énormes carences au niveau du processus de réconciliation nationale. Le romancier Amin Maalouf le compare à un “rosier sauvage” souffrant de maladies qui s’attaquent aux vignes, servant donc de “sentinelle” aux vignerons lesquels souvent ne comprennent pas le message. “Certains, par paresse, par ignorance, par aveuglement, lorsqu’ils voient apparaître des tâches sur les feuilles, se disent que le rosier est, de toute manière, une plante fragile, délicate, frivole, et que leur vigne ne risque rien”.
Ce rosier se meurt jour après jour. Un atroce virus le ravage et l’antidote tarde à être découvert et administré. Un virus qu’on croyait pourtant affaibli. La croyance en un vécu au sein d’un contexte de “post-guerre” semblait s’ancrer de plus en plus dans la conscience collective libanaise. La violence meurtrière, les bourreaux, les boucs-émissaires, les destructions massives, les fosses communes et les charniers apparaissaient faire partie d’un lointain passé. La reconstruction du centre-ville de Beyrouth au cours des années 1990 et l’afflux annuel de centaines de milliers de touristes annonçaient une ère prospère.
Toutefois, les événements dramatiques qui se sont succédé depuis le vote de la résolution 1559 le 2 septembre 2004 au Conseil de sécurité des Nations unies, et surtout depuis l’assassinat de l’ex-Premier ministre libanais Rafic Hariri en février 2005, ainsi que l’offensive israélienne d’envergure massive lors de l’été 2006, marquèrent la reprise de la violence meurtrière et de la quête de survie. Le constat fut dévastateur à bien des égards : les Libanais ne s’étaient pas débarrassés du virus qui les ronge continuellement. Le Liban n’était et n’est pas en paix. De plus, la situation conflictuelle actuelle dans les pays avoisinants, notamment en Syrie, ajoute l’huile au feu et enflamme les relations internes. Un contexte qui appelle à un sérieux examen de conscience ; un contexte où la plupart des victimes et des bourreaux, acteurs de la tragédie libanaise, persistent à se murer dans le silence afin de préserver la “fragile entente”.
Comment, dans ce contexte de guerre psychologique et physique continue, penser la paix ?
Il est évident qu’un processus politique de paix au niveau régional devrait advenir afin de stopper l’effusion de sang. Toutefois, la haine qui sévit dans les cœurs et les esprits aurait besoin de plus qu’un cessez-le-feu (Peacemaking) et un maintien de la sécurité (Peacekeeping). En anglais, le terme suivant est utilisé, Peacebuilding, que je traduis ainsi : la construction de la paix au sein de la société, basée notamment sur l’édification d’une mémoire nationale de la guerre, d’une identité commune et d’une convivialité interhumaine qui inclurait et dépasserait la convivialité interreligieuse/interconfessionnelle… Une convivialité pluridimensionnelle laquelle certainement inclurait un partenariat équitable entre femmes et hommes.
Il s’agit de quelques défis parmi tant d’autres que les Libanais pourraient à mon avis relever ; d’autant plus qu’on occulte très souvent le fait que le Liban ne se réduit pas à un espace de conflits et de polémologies, mais qu’il présente aussi de multiples lieux où s’inventent et se réinventent des visions et pratiques de paix. La société libanaise est en partie bien dynamique, et surtout la jeunesse engagée pour les droits humains, le statut personnel civique, l’équité, la justice, la liberté d’opinion, etc. Les luttes de ces individus et collectivités transforment les rapports sociopolitiques et constituent le socle sur lequel peut être construit un autre avenir, plus équitable, plus égalitaire, plus libérateur.
Pour ma part, en tant que Libano-Canadienne luttant pour survivre à la guerre mais connaissant aussi des “lieux” de dialogues et de convivialité, tant au Liban qu’au Canada, je porte en moi un refus de la fatalité et l’espérance d’un monde meilleur qui ne peut se construire tout seul et sûrement pas sans un réel travail de mémoire, et donc de deuil et de réconciliation. C’est la flamme qui m’anime, et c’est le défi que je tente de relever : penser l’altérité, mais surtout, construire des lieux qui reconnaissent l’identité non comme une page blanche, ni comme déjà écrite, mais comme partiellement écrite et appelant à la poursuite de l’écriture ; une identité comme une somme de diverses appartenances en cheminement, au carrefour de multiples chemins, de plusieurs aventures, médiatrice, non confondue avec une appartenance érigée en appartenance suprême et unique, en une fin en soi et “en un instrument d’exclusion”, parfois en “un instrument de guerre”.
Lebanese Women in Politics: between Actual and Muted Participation
Throughout history, women have often considered themselves as living in a male oriented society. Thus so, we find that most innovators in practically all fields happen to be men. Be it arts in its liberal or conventional forms, music, economy, religion ,science or philosophy, even war, men have always been the primary movers and shakers, but one field which stands exceptionally to be extremely male dominant is Politics. Slowly but gradually, women were able to infiltrate this male abundant world, and were able to stamp their mark on most fields. But politics still remains an extremely tough nut to crack for those who do not possess a Y chromosome, and in a country such as Lebanon, who remains ever stuck between its Eastern ancestry and its Western aspirations, women’s rights, specifically women’s political rights, haven’t been considered as a sweeping issue, and the matter seems to be swept under the rug for the time being. All that considered, what is the situation of the Lebanese woman in politics?
To fully grasp the issue, one has to look at it through a more global view point. Women find themselves divided between the Western world and the Eastern world. In the fields of politics, Western women seem to thrive lately. Be it the Thatchers and Albrights of the past few decades, or the Merkels , Clintons and Pelossies of current times, women seem to be finding their feet in politics considering that apart from a German prime minister, both the US and French presidential elections have seen prominent women candidates. The brightest example being the 2008 US Presidential elections where a women was a few votes short of clinching the democratic party nomination while another was nominated as vice president.
The situation in Eastern societies seems to be more bleak, with women often having their basic rights compromised not to mention their political rights. In many Arab fundamentalist countries, women have basic rights taken from them such as the right to drive a vehicle, so considering their lack of political rights isn’t so shocking after all. Even Arab countries who seem to market themselves as ‘Western friendly’ are far from having women participate actively in the political process. Even the Arab women who convey an image of power and of political effectiveness seem to have got there either through their spouse or their kin, an avid example is the Jordanian Queen Rania.
So where does all that leave Lebanese women who are looking for a political career?
Well the signs aren’t in their favor. Lebanon has followed the norm set by its Arab neighborhood and has a more conservative and traditional view of women in politics. Truly the number of women in politics is appalling with less than 5% of current parliament members are women. But the real setback is the type of women who get into Parliament. Regardless of religion, creed or Party, Most Lebanese MPs seem to have gotten their seats depending on their spouse and or their families, much like the Arab example, with none of these women having an actual saying in the day to day running of their parties or their country. So with over 50% of the Lebanese population being female, its time for women to take a stand and truly let their voices be heard, since parliament should be a reflection of a society not just the men who seem to rule it.
Women's Brains versus Men's Brains?
Biological deterministic approaches teach us about the differences between a woman’s brain and a man’s brain. However, new extensive researches in Neuroscience prove that major differences exist between individuals’ brains. “Brain plasticity” is the key concept to explore. It refers to the capacity of the nervous system to change its structure and, its function over a lifetime, in reaction to environmental diversity. In that sense, every individual has the capacity to evolve parts of his/her brain, depending on his/her personal experiences and the impact of his/her environment. Sex differences that grow larger through childhood are likely shaped by social learning.
Social Learning
Parents: in spite of best intentions, different expectations, interactions, and attributions for success of boys and girls.
Peers: Gender segregation and conformity create two separate cultures that reinforce different interests, abilities, and relational styles. Even adults avoid careers where they’re strongly outnumbered by opposite sex.
Teachers: Teachers’ expectations well-known to shape student outcomes.
Larger culture (& media): Babies can categorize “male” versus “female” even before they gender identify. More media exposure associated with stronger stereotyped views in children. Some sex stereotyped views in children. Some sex differences (e.g. body image dissatisfaction) have actually increased in recent decades.
Simply put, environment and experiences change our brains.
“Yes, men and women are psychologically different and yes, neuroscientists are uncovering many differences in brain anatomy and physiology which seem to explain our behavioral differences. But just because a difference is biological doesn’t mean it is “hard-wired.” Individuals’ gender traits—their preference for masculine or feminine clothes, careers, hobbies and interpersonal styles—are inevitably shaped more by rearing and experience than is their biological sex. Likewise, their brains, which are ultimately producing all this masculine or feminine behavior, must be molded—at least to some degree—by the sum of their experiences as a boy or girl”.
According to Dr Catherine Vidal, neurobiologist extraordinaire and Director of Research at the Institute Pasteur in France, “only 10% of our 100 billion neurons are interconnected at birth and the remaining 90% of the connections are built gradually, based on the influences of family, education, culture and society. During the developmental process, the brain integrates external components that are linked with the history of each influence. ‘This is called brain plasticity.’That is why we all have different brains. And differences between individuals of one sex are so important that they will prevail over those between the sexes“.
The Institute Pasteur Research Director also rejects the theory that male brains are more suitable to abstract reasoning, especially mathematics. While some people may think that most women do not chose careers in maths-intensive fields because they lack mathematical ability, new studies show that they choose not to study maths because they want the flexibility to raise children, or because they prefer less maths-intensive fields of science. The idea that it is because they lack the ability is wholly unwarranted.
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For more information, please visit:
Research*eu:
http://ec.europa.eu/research/research-eu/index_en.html
Institute Pasteur:
http://www.pasteur.fr
The Sultan's Harem (Harim el Sultan)
You definitely heard of the new Turkish soap opera “Harim el Sultan” (The Sultan’s Harem). The series is inspired from real historical events, and focuses specifically on the harem, scattered with danger, hatred, and a constant competitiveness to the sultan’s heart. The Sultan’s Harem has gained wide success and popularity across the Arab world, but what is portrayed isn’t a true image of women; in other words, stereotypes/ misconceptions…
A common criticism of this show is the treatment of women. I believe that the soap opera is showing that the meaning of powerful women is limited to their ability of winning in a revenge dynamic and that achieving their goal is met only by the intermediate of lying and cheating; if they want to achieve something, they end up realizing it by killing or hurting someone instead of doing the best they can, and defying all obstacles by telling the truth and taking advantage of their intelligence and social status. Are these really the only ways we have to use to attain our objectives as women, as human beings? Is revenge sweet?
The show has broken the values of women and morality. Women appear as weak persons ruled by a dictatorial sultan, and their only focus is on material things. Are these really the only things that we care about? Where is their intelligence? Their participation in political decisions? Their love and caring personalities? The popular series is teaching girls to be money-oriented and boys to be arrogant. Indeed, it is an outstanding Turkish drama production, however, every person watching it shouldn’t consider it as an educational documentary or a trustworthy reference, but as a leisure TV show.
As a conclusion, when you watch something, it is essential to keep your critical spirit and simply be aware of what you’re seeing and listening to… Try not to be that woman who is taken by the harem’s gorgeous dresses and furniture!
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