Red Lips High Heels – Page 34 – Gender in the Middle East

"داميتي" ضحية مِثْلُها كثيرات

لا نريد تعازيكم. لا نريد تعاطفكم الزائف. نطالب بتحركٍ فوريًّ لتشديد القوانين ضد العنف الجنسيّ”. هذا ما كُتِبَ على اللافتات التي حملها المتظاهرون في الهند احتجاجًا على حادثة الاغتصاب الجماعيّ التي تعرّضت لها فتاة هنديّة في حافلة عامة.

في التفاصيل أنّ الفتاة الهنديّة، وهي طالبة جامعيّة تدرس العلاج الفيزيائي في إحدى جامعات نيودلهي، كانت قد استقلّت حافلة في 16 ديسمبر/ كانون الأول مع صديقها بعد متابعتهما فيلمًا في إحدى دور السينما، تعرّضت الفتاة للاغتصاب أثناء سير الحافلة من عدّة أشخاص وللضرب المبرح هي وصديقها وأُلقيا من الحافلة، وقد اعتقلت الشرطة أربعة من المشتبه بهم الستّة بينهم السائق وشقيقه. لم تحتمل الفتاة الإصابات الخطيرة التي تعرّضت لها في جسدها ومخّها وتوفيت فجر السبت 29 ديسمبر/ كانون الأول في مستشفى سنغافورة حيث كانت نُقِلت لتلقي علاجٍ خاص.
وفي حين أنّ لا السلطات الهنديّة ولا المستشفى أفصحتا عن اسم ضحية الاغتصاب الجماعي، إلّا أنّ المتظاهرين الذين خرجوا احتجاجًا للتنديد بما تعرّضت له، كانوا يطلقون عليها اسم “داميتي” ويعني “المضيئة” باللّغة الهنديّة كما أنّه اسم أحد أفلام بوليوود عام 1993، يتناول قصة فتاة كانت تعمل خادمة، تعرّضت للاغتصاب.

إنّ ما سبق ليس مسلسلًا تركيًّا تعود البطلة فيه قويّةً لتحاسِب (في إشارة إلى مسلسل “فاطمة” التركي الذي تتعرّض البطلة فاطمة فيه للاغتصاب الجماعي من قبل ثلاث شبابٍ)، في مسلسل الواقع تموت البطلة متأثرةً بجراحها.
إنّها لحادثة مؤلمة قد تحدث مع أي فتاةٍ في العالم، في ظلّ هذا المجتمع الذكوريّ الذي ما انكفأ عن النظر إلى المرأة كأداة إشباعٍ لشهوة الرجل.
في مجتمعنا العربيّ، تتحوّل الفتاة التي تتعرّض للاغتصاب من ضحيةٍ إلى مذنبةٍ، فبنظر المجتمع لقد ساهمت في الوصول إلى ذلك المصير من خلال تصرّفٍ أو فعلٍ أو كلامٍ ما. لذلك غالبًا ما تجدها تصمت على ما تتعرّض له لأنه “عيب” في نظر المجتمع أو بالأحرى “عيب” أن تخبر عمّا حدث معها؛ فتجدُ بعض الأهل يتكتّمون على الحادثة ويهرعون بابنتهم إلى طبيبٍ يعيد ترميم غشاءٍ انفضّ ويُهمل جرحًا وألمًا في الروح لا يرمّم بسهولة.
إنّ التستّر على جرم الاغتصاب لهو جرمٌ أكبر منه وبابٌ مشرِّعٌ للمغْتَصِب على إشباع نزواته دون خوفٍ من المحاسبة. ومن يَطّلع على بعض مواد قانون العقوبات اللبنانيّ يجد في المادتين 522 و 503 انتهاكًا واضحًا لحقوق المرأة.
تنصّ المادة 522 من قانون العقوبات على التالي:
“اذا عقد زواج صحيح بين مرتكب احدى الجرائم الواردة في هذا الفصل (الاغتصاب – اغتصاب القاصر – فض بكّارة مع الوعد بالزواج – الحضّ على الفجور – التحرّش بطفلة – التعدّي الجنسي على شخص ذي نقص جسدي او نفسي…) وبين المُعتدَى عليها أوقفت الملاحقة واذا كان صدر الحكم بالقضية علّق تنفيذ العقاب الذي فرض عليه”.
أما المادة 503 من قانون العقوبات اللبناني، فتنص على التالي: “من أكره غير زوجه بالعنف وبالتهديد على الجماع عوقب بالأشغال الشاقّة خمس سنوات على الاقل”.
تظهر هنا أيضًا مشكلة تشريع القانون اللبنانيّ للاغتصاب الزوجي واعتبار جسد المرأة من ممتلكات الزوج حيث يحقّ له التصرف فيه كيفما يشاء دون أي مراعاة لمشاعر المرأة وكيانها الإنساني.

لا يختلف اثنان أنّ “داميني” ليست الوحيدة، مثلها كثيرات في مجتمعنا العربي. لذلك لم يخطىء متظاهرو الهند عند مناداتهم بتشديد القوانين ضد العنف الجنسيّ. فللأسف لا تزال المرأة مضطهدة رغم الحركات التحرّرية و النسوية التي تعمل جاهدةً إلى إحداث تغييرٍ في واقع الحال، إنّها مضطهدة من القانون ومن المجتمع. لذلك نحن بحاجة إلى إنشاء الجيل الجديد على احترام المرأة وتقديرها من منطلق الانسانية، لا أكثر ولا أقل.

نور زاهي الحسنية

2012-12-30

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For more info on LAW 522

Hideous Sexism – Pranks on National Television

DISCLAIMER: This article is not an attack on anybody in particular. This is a mere presentation of an opinion drawn after hearing about a prank.

a�?Jerks in masks try to grab girls in the nighta�?.
This is the way a friend of mine described a prank that was aired on national television.

I searched for that episode online, but in vain. Instead, I watched an episode about a prank done to someone who has a phobia of animals. Usually I like watching pranks. Pranks are funny, well; they are supposed to be funny. When people talk about pranks I remember MTV, the music television, I remember Punka��d, fun and light, definitely not the kind that could cause severe psychological issues in a person.

Honestly, the first time my friend told me about this prank I thought he was joking. What kind of respectable television would do such a prank?! People in masks trying to grab girls at night?! How can this represent what pranks are nowadays? I felt disgusted. I really dona��t want to live in this kind of world, where putting girls in the fear of being kidnapped and who knows what else is considered a prank. To me, this would pass better as a documentary about how dangerous some areas are in Lebanon (if not all) for girls at night. I would have never thought that someone could have phoned this program in the intention of pranking some friends this way. Sadly, this is the reality we are forced to accept.

How can this kind of prank affect a person?
Assuming the girls have no prior existing fear or paranoia, this could be the trigger of future psychological issues. These girls could develop unexplainable fear, they can be terrified at the sight of a van for example, or even be paranoid if they notice some guys walking behind them on the street for a couple of blocks. Their comfort level can easily shift. Their self-confidence might drop as well. They can become anti-social, they can be intimidated by the smallest of things, they can go through depressive times and have issues trusting themselves and their judgment as a start, and then others. The personality of each person can determine to what extend this person is affected by being put in a challenging situation. The sad part is that all the above is the best scenario for the aftermath of this prank. What if the girls have had a past experience in which they had been part of a kidnapping or they had been subjected to violence and sexual harassment? Who is willing to take responsibility for putting these girls through the emotional and mental exhaustion of reliving a past experience and then adding the heavy weight of this new one? I cana��t speak on behalf of these girls; nobody can. Ia��m not a girl, and I havena��t experienced anything remotely close to this horrible joke. What Ia��ve lived is a physical injury where I felt handicapped and unable to be myself as I see myself. Even in the difference there are similarities: something being taken away, feeling incomplete, feeling the loss of control over onea��s life, being trapped, wanting to break free, etc. It took me a long time to be able to rehabilitate, and what I went through was not as traumatic, nor as stressful, nor as nerve wrecking as it is to be grabbed by guys in masks at night. The brain does not understand the difference between reality and a prank. Those girls, and anybody who faces similar jokes, do not have the time to think and analyze to be able to conclude if this is a joke or not. The brain reacts, on the spot. And, usually, the results have a long lasting effect on the person, their self-image and their relationships with others.

This prank is a disgrace. It promotes violence against women. It promotes scaring tactics to detain our society. It even induces psychological damage that could last a lifetime and impair different aspects of peoplea��s lives. The fact that this program is still airing is beyond me and it reflects the type of society we live in.

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Image Source: http://www.missrepresentation.org

What about Women Athletes?

I do not dance ballet.
I do not knit or crochet.
I do not wear red lipstick, nor high heels.
I lift weights, heavy that is…

During the day, you probably would find me running around my 3 boys, taking care of my husband, making sure that my house is clean, with food on the table. But at 5 o’clock in the morning, I am a sweaty, powerful, determinate athlete who can make even the toughest guys think twice before talking to me.

Being a female athlete took a lot of learning to accept myself with a changing body, that did not act feminine, sexy or sensual. I learned from both female and male coaches how to go beyond the appearances and reach deep into my core, discovering the beauty and unfailing will that lay in me. There was assurance from fellow female athletes, with questions answered like:”Is it ok that my bra size is getting smaller?”, as well as the affirmation of who I am becoming. My male coaches were a key in opening the way to believe in myself and what I could achieve.

This article is just a door to let you think of the importance of accepting the person as who she/he is. When it comes to growing up and finding your own voice in society, it is crucial to have both men and women give you the confidence and the tools to succeed.

Womanhood in Western Asia: A Journey to the Past

“In the nineteenth century, the central moral challenge was slavery. In the twentieth century, it was the battle against totalitarianism. We believe that in this century the paramount moral challenge will be the struggle for gender equality around the world” (Nicholas D. Kristof, in Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide).

In times of disillusionment, people may seek a golden age in either the past or the future. Some feminists have situated such an age in the prehistoric past, a period in which they believe women were at least equal in status with men – up to the Late Neolithic, the age of the Mother Goddess, a peaceful and egalitarian era compared to later aggressive, hierarchical and patriarchal times. The idea of a golden age is attractive but did it ever exist, and if it did, what caused its demise?

Other feminists claimed that ancient religions and civilizations were oppressive; that Judaism, Christianity and Islam carry oppressive customs from their predecessors or that these monotheist religions freed – or tried to free – women from pagan oppression; and that the Western modern civilization – Europe and North America – brought hope to the rest of the world by providing a suitable space for liberty and equality. Indeed, usual academic visions of Western Asia often describe women in this region to be oppressed, weak, needing rescue.

Generalizations and misconceptions are easily made, but reality is more mundanely complex than romantic and-or racist/imperialist visions.

Womanhood is usually defined as the state of being a woman or the composite of qualities thought to be appropriate to or representative of women. What is ‘being a woman’ or what are those qualities? The answer to this question depends on every geopolitical context, society, culture, religion, community, family and individual. Thus, defining womanhood in Western Asia for example is a difficult quest into diverse past and present collective and personal-subjective identities, perceptions and practices.

In that perspective, one of the main goals of this book is to deconstruct positivist views of Western Asian women while digging the past. Thus, it is designed to give its readers an understanding of the often forgotten foundations of many contemporary cultures and religions in Western Asia concerning womanhood, especially as they apply to the status and relationships of men and women today. Investigating the past and examining the development of gender norms, identities and roles, contribute to understanding ideas, practices, customs and trends that have shaped Asian cultures. This book summarizes a journey in the latest findings in Sciences of Religions, Cultural Studies and Gender Studies, and suggests future perspectives for research and debate. It is written in an accessible style for all kinds of public – academic and non-academic. Archaeology, text studies and ethnographic comparanda are all tools employed in this endeavor, and all chapters in this book utilize a skillful blending of these and other resources.

The study of womanhood in Ancient Western Asia has been the focus of steadily increasing interest in recent years. In large part this is due to the growing importance of Women’s Studies as an academic discipline in general, but also must owe something to the heightened awareness of social history in Asian studies. A relief when it is known that women’s history was usually neglected, due in large part to the greater interest in the public arena, i.e. the political and economic world largely dominated by men, rather than the domestic world which was primarily the realm of women. A bias towards the public sphere meant a corresponding neglect of the domestic realm of women, and thus a lack of research into the business of the household. The remains themselves bias study, in that the public world, outside the microcosm of the home, has left more textual remains (either because more was produced or by accident of survival).

Also, archaeology in this region has been dominated by biblical based research and both the Tanakh (Jewish Bible) and the New Testament are incontrovertibly ‘androcentric’ documents. Furthermore, in response to the rich textual record for all historic periods across ancient Western Asia, questions of history (conceptualized as kings and battles), religion (conceptualized as priesthoods and temples) and the lives of the elite (conceptualized as kings, palaces and luxury goods) have provided the foci for archaeological research. What this means is that domestic quarters, daily tasks, private life, personal religion and the like have found little traction among archaeologists. Indeed, even when these topics have been explored, women have rarely populated either the ancient places or the modern discussion.

Whatever the reasons, the amount of relevant published material on women in Western Asia has dramatically expanded in the past few years. Still, any historical investigation into the lives of ancient women involves individual interpretation and much speculation. One can read the ancient sources concerned with women and their place in society, but to a large degree, they are all secondary sources that were written by men about women. No ancient journals or personal diaries written by women were uncovered, so it is not known what their hopes and dreams were, or if they had any. What women felt about most political issues and the numerous wars and upheavals is also a mystery. Nor can we read about what women thought of slavery, marriage, or the fact that they had no legal rights over their children or even themselves.

The scope is truly limited, but many questions can still be asked and considered, such as: what was the role of women in their society? Were they considered citizens who had personal freedoms, or were they sequestered away and given little or no education? Was individuality and personal choice a part of women’s lives, or were they overshadowed by the patriarchal society of which they were a part? The answers may be difficult to uncover, but they are important questions to ask when one realizes that so much of ancient civilizations went on to lay the foundation of many contemporary societies. Understanding the past makes the present that much clearer and hopefully provides insight into the future, thereby helping society not to make the same mistakes again.

Womanhood’s story in Ancient Western Asia is surprising and quite diverse. There are examples of strong and independent women at times when the entire area had become patriarchal. Still, there are also practices of oppression and discrimination. One way to understand these changing systems is to look at the status of women through what one sees echoed in ancient mythology and religious rituals that favored or not the position of goddesses. Curiously, it seemed that in a society where mythology centers on a male god who is dominant, status of women is lower than others. Also, when females had more involvement in the rites and decisions of the group as reflected in the actions of the goddesses, they had fewer roles under male-dominating deities. In addition to mythology, this book focuses on religious, cultural and social practices, marriage customs and legislation. From Ancient Mesopotamia, to Arabia, Egypt, Persia and Canaan, this exciting journey to the past concludes with an insight into the present and the identification of future creative theoretical/practical paths to follow.

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This is the introduction of my upcoming book ‘Womanhood in Western Asia’, to be published in Arabic in 2013 by Dar el-Machreq, Beirut, Lebanon.

What is Being a Woman in the Lebanese Society?

More often than not, when people speak of inequality of the sexes in Lebanon, they speak of women’s inferior salaries, of women’s inability to pass on the Lebanese nationality to their children, of women’s minor representation in the parliament…They discuss big titles; eye-catching ones.

I won’t.

I haven’t experienced those situations yet and shall wait till I actually do to start writing about them. However, I have been in ones which are simpler, yet definitely not less significant…

The problem with sexual discrimination is not that it infects the big institutions. Corrupt institutions can be fixed by healthy new generations. The problem resides in the fact that those new generations, the ones on which we place our hope and faith, are infected.

It doesn’t pain me to hear an 80 year old man say that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, and that she is worth nothing if she’s not someone’s daughter, sister, wife or mother. I am aware of the fact that those are the values he was a taught and the ones on which he bases his judgment.

What pains me is to hear a guy of my own age, a classmate, someone who is supposedly receiving the same values as me, say that a woman can never be as intelligent, as powerful, as enduring, as responsible or as conscious as a man.

It pains me to hear a guy say that a girl is not supposed to work as a student, or if she does, she’s not supposed to have a savings account, she’s not supposed to envisage putting money away for an apartment, or – even more disgraceful – for a house. “That’s the guy’s job. She may feel free to spend as much money as she wants on clothes, make up, hair…but let her leave the job of securing a habitat for the guy”.

It pains me to hear guys say that a young woman living outside of her parent’s home immediately comes off to them as a girl “without honor” – to use more civilized terms then the ones they chose-, that the idea of independence is too far-fetched (for a girl), that she wouldn’t be able to handle it and that it would simply be better for everyone – note that it was difficult for them to actually define “everyone” – if she waited till she “left her parents’ home a married woman”.

It pains me to hear a guy say that sometimes a slap wouldn’t hurt a woman, and would help remind her of her LIMITS. (May it be mentioned that when that particular remark was made I reminded the guy that his logic could work both ways)

Many similar situations have made me feel pessimistic about the future of our society, but none affected me more than hearing one of my girlfriends say that she would never argue with her future husband, nor would she have any input in the decisions concerning the household or the kids because, after all, “he’s a man; he knows better, is more responsible and is more capable than her of making the right decisions”…

I was astonished by that one in particular. I was heartbroken.

The easiest thing to do is to blame the institutions, the constitution, the laws and the rules for women’s inferiority. What’s hard is to admit that the problem is not far away but around us, in our peers, in our siblings and even in us.

Let’s start by making change where change is easier to make. Let’s focus on the upcoming generations, on ourselves, the young who have just started their journey. We are the only ones who are capable of making any real change in the big titles. Let’s start teaching our sisters and brothers that they are equal. Let’s start by making girls, before guys, believe that they are not inferior, that they are just as worthy and just as capable.

Finally, let each and every one of us girls start demanding to be treated as equal by our peers until treating us as equals because the norm rather than the exception.

Nouns, Adjectives, Definitions and Expectations

This is not an opinion. This is a simple inquiry about the situation in Lebanon.

Herea��s how I see things to take place:

We have men who objectify women. We have women who do the same to fellow women. Then, we have men who insult and attack women. And, in contrast, we have women who do the same.

Ia��ve been told that the reason men feel that they have the power to say and express any and a�?everya�? thing they feel in the sight of women is due to their upbringing. This is the mentality of a�?dona��t wear anything provocativea�? versus a�?dona��t rapea�?. This is the reality of the situation: the parents of sexually abused women find it difficult not to put the blame on them. Men seem to be some kind of creature incapable of controlling themselves in front of temptation. This kind of thinking gives men a free pass and absolutely no reason to respect women, as a start, and have a certain stance and grandeur as human beings.

It is believed among societies, eastern or western makes no difference, that women are jealous from one another. It is also believed that this jealousy causes them to sabotage one another and drag each other down. I know this is not the place to generalize, and that is the last thing I wish to do, but I want an answer: How true is that? Because, as I’ve noticed, it is not a rare occurrence for a woman to label another one as a bitch based on her appearance and the way she carries herself especially with the opposite sex. What surprises me, still, is that when a man who is in a relationship cheats, the mistress becomes the center of attention and the holder of every negative word that could come to mind. In our society, guys who are barely fifteen years old are shoved into cabarets, introduced to women, and, told that it is time for them to be men. And in this same society, women are supposed to remain untouched in any sexual way until marriage.

Is there any scientific research that suggests women have no sexual desire? Is there anything that could imply that sex is in any way helpful to turn boys to men? What is a man? And, what is a woman? A man is believed to be powerful, a man has leadership skills, and a man is simply not a woman. A man does not do the dishes, he does not cook, and he gets himself a wife to fulfill his wants and needs. While a woman should know her place in the family and the working place (if she has a place there at all); she cooks, she cleans, she takes care of the kids, she looks after whoever is ill and she checks with her husband before forming an opinion about any given matter. In addition, if she works she is accused of neglecting her children and made to feel guilty about being ambitious and having goals.

I think ita��s safe to say that a woman loses the most little of rights she has to herself the minute she becomes a wife or mother. But we forget that she already has a very limited access to life. From young age, girls are taught not to upset their father, and when they get married they are reminded not to upset their husband. The bad bit is that this a�?wisdoma�? is passed from one generation to the other, in the word of mouth, from one woman to another. How deep should we go to change this entire line of thought? How can we convince a mother that it is okay to have some time for herself? How do we let young girls understand that looks are not everything? How do we let these same young girls understand that they dona��t have to act stupid to get a guy? How do we make fathers see that theirs sons and daughters are equal? How do we help brothers see that their muscles arena��t needed to a�?savea�? the good name of their sisters? How do we let men see that there is nothing wrong with a man in the kitchen and a woman in the workplace? How do we remove all the negativity attached to femininity and reform the definition of what is a man and a woman?

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Image Source: BITCH MAGAZINE

For Her & For Him

Ita��s cute when brands do a a�?For Hima�? and a�?For Hera�? ideas. This, though, becomes the focus of everybody around the holidays, any holiday, and could easily get out of line.

In the traffic jam of Mount Lebanon and Beirut, drivers listen to music and look out their window. Ads all over the highway promote home appliances for her and electronics for him. The woman obviously should go back to her a�?naturala�? place while the man can have fun in his spare time playing games and watching movies. These images have been forcefully fed to me, and many others, daily while being stuck on the road. This type of ad slims down womena��s roles in society, and sums it up in one big trunk: a housekeeper. Dona��t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with being a housekeeper. But, why is that the a�?besta�? way we can describe the life of a big number of women in Lebanese households?

Even I have to admit, this seems very trivial compared to a�?BICa�? pens made a�?For Hera�?. It comes in both pink and purple, both favorites among women. So, for countless years, women have been using the wrong pen? Ita��s a pen! Does this magical pen write differently? Do shopping lists or letters need a special pen with an elegant and unique feminine style? And if a woman is writing down something variant from what a�?naturea�? has intended, will this pen stop working? What happens when a man picks it up by mistake? Does he lose his masculinity? Or would the pen give out and disappear from between his fingers? This is one of the worstA�advertisingA�I have seen. To think how a respectable company could come up with such an idea is just absurd. What did their marketing team do exactly?

Okay, there are many products specific to men, and other products specific to women: shampoos, perfumes, body lotions, hair products, shaving kit, etc. The reason for this difference is obvious; different makes ups, different needs and hence different outcomes. But, how does a womana��s hand compare to a mana��s? Leta��s see; both have five fingers, therea��s the palm, the hand is connected to the wrist, and it is all linked to the brain. Did women, while men were too busy writing with their manly pens, lose a finger or gain one? Perhaps women have extra functions in their hands. Perhaps the hand is not linked to the brain, so, women need a pen, specially made to suit their needs to be able to function a�?normallya�?.

I honestly believed that with time we would be less sexist in ads. I was obviously mistaken. What Ia��m hoping for is that shedding some light on the subject can help shift the dynamic in favor of freedom and expressionism without the use of women as a sex symbol nor as a dumb version of men.

What do I mean by Equality between Men and Women?

There are many challenges to be faced and overcome when living in Lebanon, including trying to answer questions that are not asked anymore in other societies, such as: ‘Is Feminism a movement of angry Lesbian women wanting to destroy men’s supremacy?’ or ‘Why are you fighting for equality? And what is equality anyways?’, ‘Isn’t it the natural role of women to be only housewives and mothers?’, ‘Aren’t women naturally inferior to men? Aren’t women naturally passive? Isn’t passivity a feminine characteristic?’

All these questions are based on a wrong conclusion drawn from a false assumption: women are naturally passive and inferior, while men are naturally active and superior. The wrong conclusion asserts that every passive person is playing a feminine role and that every active person is playing a masculine role.

My answers?

1- If women were naturally inferior, men would have nothing to fear. Therefore, the fact that many men do fear such competition raises sufficient doubt as to the validity of this claim… Refer here to two previous articles: The Lilith Myth and the Male Fear of Dominant/Equal Women and There are Men intimidated by Intelligent Women: my Perception of a Lebanese Reality

2- When men have been told that women are socially and sexually passive, they are usually gravely disturbed by encountering a woman who is socially aggressive and who takes the initiative in sexual intercourse. Confronted with this “lack of femininity” in a woman, a man may feel tempted to dispute her womanhood. If this contention does not hold up in face of the evidence, he may instead begin to doubt his own masculinity and become sexually dysfunctional. Conversely, a handsome, gentle, and passive male may invite ridicule and may be denounced as a “pervert” or “queer”. “Real women” may regard him as less than a “real man” and therefore reject him as a sexual partner.

3- In some human societies, the role assignment for men and women is the reverse of our own. In short, there is nothing “natural” or definite about our sexual stereotypes.

4- By the same token, full human equality will not be achieved until it becomes conceivable to both sexes that active and passive attitudes can be appropriate for either of them, and that even two “active” or two “passive” partners can have a rewarding relationship.

5- Equality – social equality – doesn’t mean that all human differences will disappear. Once the old stereotypes have been deconstructed, the differences between individuals within each sex are likely to increase. Furthermore, under conditions of social equality, these individuals may also happily continue to play different gender roles.

There should be no need to point out that there is nothing wrong with gender differences as such. They can greatly enrich our lives, as long as we understand that, in human beings, “different” does not have to mean superior or inferior. In other words, those who demand equal rights for men and women are not asking for drab uniformity, but for a social climate in which variety can flourish without being exploited.

The Lilith Myth and the Male Fear of Dominant/Equal Women

Following an interesting post by one of Red Lips High Heels authors, Night Shadow, I found a quite interesting analysis of the ‘Lilith Myth’, comparing it to the stories of Adam and Eve, and linking it to a patriarchal husband, a weak submissive wife, and a vindictive dominating ex-wife, while portraying the Male Fear of Dominant Women. Here are few excerpts, beginning with Aristotle:

Women according to Aristotle:

“Aristotle was obsessed with his penis, that much is evident from a psychologically perspective. According to Aristotle, the penis and its semen is the source of all souls and spirit, and that women, being “mutilated” and without a penis is soulless. He goes into more detail, believing that women are unable to create souls because they themselves are “impure” and “incapable of concocting the nutriment in its last stage into semen. If she does have a soul, it is an “impure” one, and thus needs a man’s “purity” in the form of semen. In short, Aristotle likely believed that the world revolved around his penis.

Going further on Aristotle’s beliefs, if women are soulless, then their feelings don’t matter, and thus men must be the masters over women because women are cold, heartless and lack authority. He admits that women have intelligence/faculty, “but it is without authority” and thus men must be the masters. The end result is that Aristotle likely believes that the perfect woman is a “mutilated” quiet, cold, and submissive creature, something similar to Helen of Troy or Andromeda.

As the exact opposite, the worst woman by his definition would likely coincide with many of the mythological creatures of his time. The medusa, sirens, gorgons and harpies portray intelligent women as cunning, powerful, independent, and yet deformed monsters. They would still be “mutilated” by Aristotle’s definition, and would suffer the consequences for their independence, for they were all defeated by men. In essence these myths could be considered allegory warning women not to become independent and proud of their intelligence”.

Adam and Eve:

In the Biblical Genesis (the King James/Yahwist version), Eve is portrayed as being lesser than Adam by the simple fact that she is made by only part of him, and is not made wholly of the earth like Adam was. This shortcoming is then shown when she is tricked so easily by the serpent into eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and she in turn manipulates and tricks Adam into also eating of the tree. Furthermore, when caught and questioned, Eve quickly blames the snake for her shortcomings. Thus Eve presents parts of both archetypes, the submissive woman who is easily tricked by the snake, but after eating the fruit, she becomes the cunning and manipulative woman who seduces/tricks Adam.

In a different version of Genesis, the ben-Sira version, the person known as Lilith (Adam’s first wife, before Eve) is introduced:

“When the Almighty created the first, solitary man, He said: It is not good for man to be alone. And He fashioned for man a woman from the earth, like him (Adam), and called her Lilith. Soon, they began to quarrel with each other. She said to him: I will not lie underneath, and he said: I will not lie underneath but above, for you are meant to lie underneath and I to lie above. She said to him: We are both equal, because we are both created from the earth. But they didn’t listen to each other. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced God’s avowed name and flew into the air. Adam stood in prayer before his Creator and said: Lord of the World! The woman you have given me has gone away from me. Immediately, the Almighty sent three angels after her, to bring her back. The Almighty said to Adam: If she decides to return, it is good, but if not, then she must take it upon herself to ensure that a hundred of her children die each day. They went to her and found her in the middle of the Red Sea. And they told her the word of God. But she refused to return. They said to her: We must drown you in the sea. She said: Leave me! I was created for no other purpose than to harm children, eight days for boys and twenty for girls. When they heard what she said, they pressed her even more. She said: I swear by the name of the living God that I, when I see you or your image on an amulet, will have no power over that particular child. And she took it upon herself to ensure that, every day, a hundred of her children died. That is why we say that, every day, a hundred of her demons die. That is why we write the names Senoi, Sansenoi and Semangloph on an amulet for small children. And when Lilith sees it, she remembers her promise and the child is saved.”

According to accompanying legends, Lilith was cursed and turned into a succubus. God created Eve as an afterthought out of Adam’s rib, in order to make her more submissive. Lilith’s descendants and Eve’s descendants mingled together and bred, and God decreed that Lilith is kill all of her descendants, except for those protected by an amulet. This belief that Lilith will come to slay young children is still held in awe today in many cultures. As the mother of all other succubi, Lilith’s daughters (succubi, or simply “Liliths (according to some tales) are also held to this and cannot harm any child protected by the amulet. This is Lilith’s curse for being too dominating according to many tales, although it is also questioned as to whether the real reason is because she spoke God’s avowed name.
Other Biblical and non-Biblical legends* portray Lilith as being a “terrible mother-goddess”. Her clergy is described as being “temple prostitutes” according to some historians. This belief changed over time, with Lilith (or succubi in general) becoming the “divine whore” according to men, described as being a tall beautiful, obsidian-skinned, bat-winged female with long red (some legends say black) hair and sharp blue eyes. This creature then seduces men and kills them. This is a perfect example of men describing the physical characteristics of women, and also their obvious fear of being powerless against a woman and controlled by them.

There are many other legends (mostly Sumerian, Babylonian and Assyrian) calling Lilith (or creatures like her) by other names such as Shedu, Lamashtu, Marilith, Succubus, Ahhazu, Alu, Gallu, Lamia, Ishtar. The legend of Lilith is so widespread that it reaches even Malayasia where she is called Langsuir (or Langsuyar) and feared as a demon seductress of the night. This enforces the idea that man’s fear of seductive/dominating women is universal amongst all men.

The Spanish Inquisition, Witch Hunts and the Lilith Demon:

During the Spanish Inquisition (and various other witch hunts), witches were associated with the demon Lilith, and anyone having red hair like Lilith were more likely to be hung or burnt at the stake. This perhaps is the reason why red hair is so rare and also why the current stereotypes that all red-haired people are regarded as aggressive, hot tempered, troublesome, and otherworldly. These witch hunts were led by men, usually clergy, who were obviously afraid of being bewitched, seduced and controlled.

Power Struggle between the sexes:

The power struggle between Adam and Lilith is a reflection of the power struggle between the sexes, a man’s patriarchal attitude versus a woman’s demands for independence and equality. Psychologically, this is the result of Adam’s fear of Lilith being in control, Lilith’s equal fear of Adam being in control, and both rejecting the others demands for dominance. Adam and Lilith obviously could not meet with a marital therapist however, but since the two are viewed as being mythical characters, then they reflect universal characteristics and behaviour such as all people’s (not just men’s) fear of being controlled.

A number of modern psychologists/analysts have studied the ben-Sira version and have come up with their conclusions about Lilith, Adam and Eve, and their archetypes:

Vogelsang asserts that Adam bears the guilt for the disagreement. “From the beginning [he] was trying to assert his superiority and to dominate her, a power play on the part of the masculine.” He also says “it should be emphasized that she was not trying to subjugate him. She was trying to maintain her rights.” Essentially this means that Adam represents the average aggressive male, whereas Lilith should actually be considered a model female who stands up for her rights. Perhaps women should be feared, for it is the fear between both sexes that makes them equal.

Lenherr-Baumgartner claims that Adam’s demand for the upper position was the result of “is evolutionary understandable as a certain male fear of an equal female. In addition she considers the separation of the two metaphorical in the sense that male and female shall be forever separated by their fears of each other.”

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There are Men intimidated by Intelligent Women: my Perception of a Lebanese Reality

I live in Beirut and I write to share with you my perception of a particular reality. Most women I know, educated, successful in their work field, young, beautiful, intelligent and independent, are not able to get married nowadays. Men they dated felt emasculated. I even heard one of my friends saying that a successful woman should dumb herself down to get a man. True that there are men who appreciate and admire women who are accomplished, but they are rare to find. Obviously, all men are different, and to generalize an entire gender would be wrong. However, the percentage of chauvinistic men is pretty high in today’s Lebanon, and it gets stronger when the qualities that make a woman such a big success cross over into the relationship. In a woman’s career, she may rise to the top by being very opinionated, aggressive and decisive. But when these same qualities cross into the relationship…

Most men I encounter don’t care where a woman got her three degrees or that she’s made partner at her law firm. Great accomplishments don’t cause men to feel an attraction towards women. It is true that most men have some requirements. They strongly prefer to find partners who have more than high school degrees, have serious work ethics and have dreams of their own that they aspire to achieve. These qualities matter to them because they know on a fundamental level that they will connect more with women who are well rounded, have a high intelligence level and independently have goals of their own. But an impressive goal doesn’t have to fit the mold of a woman aspiring to work her way to the top of a law firm. It could be as simple as raising a nice family.

Men I asked about this reality simply answered: we are men and we still want to feel like men!

Personally, I think that not being reliant on men is a positive movement for women in today’s Lebanese society. All women should strive to achieve this. The problem arises when women make men feel as if they are not needed in the relationship. I would also argue that as the success of women in modern times increases, their options do as well. With women marrying late into their twenties and early thirties these days and facing less societal pressure to settle down, exponentially more women are endlessly serial dating in a quest to find the “perfect man”. The problem is, romance isn’t a trophy. Men too fall into that trap more than ever before – the search for the perfect mate.

Last but not least, let us not forget that most Lebanese men portray women as weak/submissive or seductive/evil/monsters. The emphasis of a woman’s description is placed upon her physical beauty, her weaknesses and her lack of rationality. These are ideas that those men subconsciously/consciously seek to promote about women as a result of their own insecurities.