JK, mid-40s, I’ve known him since 5 years now, he is in charge of the entertainment at our place; not his main job, he rather does it as a hobby. A very decent man, workaholic to the max and dependable as no one else, seeking a life partner, sometimes desperately, but not finding any. Straight to the core without being unduly macho, but nevertheless, a bachelor amidst a sea of celibates. Ok, he does not have a big bank account or a fancy car but surely, he will not let his eventual family be in need of anything. He does not get the looks, but since when for a man his age, looks matter that much to find a mate?!
What is this crisis of celibacy hitting our society ?? Not that I over value the “institution of marriage” or sanctify it in any way, but still, when you notice huge numbers of people of marriageable age, wanting to marry, but refraining from doing so, it is a case to ponder upon !
Ok, economic considerations prime: Stereotypically women want a husband who can provide for them and assure them and the future children a good living, and men want a woman who works and/or who has a “BIG dota”, who –satisfy- his needs, and who can take care of HIS house, and raise HIS children !
That’s is the now traditional prima facie of things but not only ! Our grandparents married for love, to make a family, and to have sex…that later, is now very easily found and plentiful outside marriage. So, is it one reason less to marry ?!
I don’t know…
Back to JK, had he been living in another age, or in another society, I am sure he would find a partner, but in Lebanon, he couldn’t and probably, sadly, he won’t ! Why? When celibacy is hitting records among Lebanese women and when some celibate women go to extremes to seduce men, some men, not all, why does JK remain alone ? He surely would be the ideal husband and the exemplary father, but why then, doesn’t he fit the right profile ?
Why is it that more and more you hear men saying that the best would be to go to Eastern Europe to find a good and decent wife ? Or to the Philippines ?
It reminds me of similar stories in rural Japan and South Korea, where middle-aged men caught by rapid modernization also went south to find wives, to Vietnam, Cambodia and the Philippines… Also stories coming from rural France, Spain and Italy going to Romania or South America.
Perhaps when societies are in rapid transformation, women are ahead of men and they adopt earlier the new and future norms, they get more educated and their criteria shift quickly, when men are left behind, stuck in traditional norms and mores!
Whatever it is, our society is a transitional one, from a traditional / conservative society, it is rapidly moving to an open and liberal one… The norms are shifting before adjustments are made, consumerism and the ethos of a consumer society not helping at all: the lure of easy, quick money – and whatever its origin-, power and looks prime; it is the reign of superficiality over authenticity!
Image source: thesocietypages.org