Red Lips High Heels – Page 18 – Gender in the Middle East

Leta��s start by teaching our sons not to rape!

The articles we see surfacing the web about womena��s issues are increasing day by day. Writers, authors and bloggers are tackling a wide range of subjects; one of which is rape.

Rape is the extreme case of sexual harassment. It is a violation of basic human rights. There have been numerous attempts by different societies to try and point out the reasons behind this act of violence, in vain. It seems that we try to justify and excuse this behavior, instead of accepting that it exists and dealing with it head on.

Why does it exist? What are the reasons for this?

The reason seems very simple to me: it is the rapist. No matter how we look at it, no matter how we try to shift it, it always comes back to the rapist. Leta��s not excuse them and marginalize their act by putting the blame on their victims. Wea��ve heard them all before; a�?she had it cominga�?, a�?did you see what she was wearing?a�?, a�?she definitely wanted him but was too shya�?, a�?I had to teach her how to be a womana�?, a�?she wanted a man to dominate her but she didna��t know how to ask for ita�?. Herea��s a newsflash: when a woman wants something, she knows how to ask for it. Consent in sexual acts needs to be very clear and obvious. No means no. An invitation to coffee is simply that: an invitation to coffee. A woman accepting to visit a friend in his house does not mean she wants to sleep with him. In relationships, telling her partner that she is not in the mood does not mean she will get in the mood once he tries to smooth things with her. Whether single, engaged, or married, no means NO.

Like the rest of us, women have personalities too. Some speak out and say no while others try to do so subtly. There are actions and words that women can use to try and get the other person to understand that they are not okay with what is happening. Most importantly therea��s the body language. Every person, man or woman, should be open to understanding the othera��s body language. Different people did researches about this, and the results were not too surprising: more than half of our communication is done non-verbally, and, context is essential in making a conclusion for our findings.

When a woman does not say no, that does not count as consent. If she doesna��t say no, it doesna��t mean she said yes.

So, how do we deal with rape? What can we do to eradicate this problem from its roots?

In my opinion, the answer lies in education. It seems too simple, but ita��s hard work. We need to go back to our schools and universities; maybe we need to add an obligatory course or two to address this subject. We need to remind our youngsters about bodily rights, we also need to help them see that women have bodily rights as well, regardless of sexuality, marital status, race, etc. We need to remind them that rape is not dependent on the victim but on the aggressor, in the sense that it does not matter what the woman is wearing or that she is drinking alone in a pub or walking home at 3am, the circumstances that lead to the violation of her body are irrelevant: rape is rape, and rape is never a womana��s fault. We also need to remember that men get raped too, even if in smaller numbers.

Overall, the number of rapes that are actually reported is extremely low compared to the actual number of attacks. The reason? The procedure is exhausting, many proclaim. Isna��t it true though? Our officers havena��t had the training to deal with sensitive issues such as rape. They dona��t know how to talk to these victims; if anything, they would be attacking them more and putting the blame on them as well. And if a case reached the court, how hard would the rapista��s defense attorney attack and try to discredit her? She would relive the experience every time she tells her story, and, in the spotlight shea��d tell it to her attorney, the court and maybe the media. And in the case of males getting raped, can you imagine how our officers would deal with it? He would get laughed at, hea��d heard a few degrading adjectives, and most probably the case wouldna��t get anywhere.

There are a lot of things that we can do in order to reach the ultimate goal of women having their human rights, bodily rights included. Leta��s start by teaching our sons not to rape instead of teaching our daughters what to do to avoid getting raped.

Arab Youth and Catharsis in Graffiti and Street Art

lens-ibn-al-balad — لبلد #سوريا
المكان #درعاالبلد الأربعين
التاريخ : الــيــوم 5 تشرين ثاني 2013
Country #Syria
Location #Daraa Al-Balad Al-Arbaeen
Date : 5 November 2013 — with Billy Marking Abu Watan.

Rather than being limited to the cold dryness of documented imagery, like what is seen in the photographic media, the stunning art forms of graffiti and street art not only capture the truth of situations in any given environment, but also beautify the space and give it a unique fresh flavor, reflecting the energies of those who create it and impacting those who see it.

Of course art/graffiti comes with the territory of urbanized youth, who are often overlooked and undervalued. Just like those who the medium is often associated with, wrongly or rightly – it is also severely undervalued for its many benefits in the context of art therapy; and as a public art medium, it has traditionally been greatly overlooked at the detriment of our youth, communities and societies.
This unfounded prejudice is unlike many other art forms which are used in the context of art therapy, attracting strong support for their proven effectiveness. By its nature, graffiti and street art are an aspect of the living, breathing energy of any given environment, with unique expression taking form as a direct response to the given flavor of that environment and what is going down in it. With graffiti, you can read the walls and sometimes we don’t want to know what they say.

Unfortunately this same prejudice and lack of values often transfers into the provision of any given service or support young people may engage in and not just art therapy programs.
This medium, traditionally avoided as a therapeutic process by professionals and organisations for being misunderstood, is often only used due to a passionate individual worker who values and comprehends the importance of the therapeutic impacts it has.
Of course, just like any other lack of investment, there has been a limited return, and we are only just starting to really discover how beneficial graff and street art really are to our personal and societal wellbeing. While living in close proximity within our highly built up urban environments, let alone the benefits when living under the stress of war or recovery from conflicts, we have learned that graffiti and street art are a welcome addition to the walls around us.

I am talking about young people because they are our future and we as societies and people who make up our societies neglect them, we don’t listen to them, we shut out their voices, their opinions, their ambitions, their hope, their dreams and we place on them the burdens of our own. We would never admit this of course, not as individuals and certainly not as societies.
To a degree, it is an essential experience and burden of youth. I think most adults are big enough to admit we don’t know everything and we can only gain in progress and discovery by listening to and supporting our young people – who are our future.
Let us not miss out on what they have to say.

lens-ibn-al-balad-2 — لبلد #سوريا
المكان #درعاالبلد
التاريخ : الــيــوم 5 تشرين ثاني 2013
Country #Syria
Location #Daraa Al-Balad
Date : Today – 5 November 2013 — with Crazy-h Abu Watan and Billy Marking Abu Watan.

Lebanon has demonstrated some of these benefits with its street showcase and has taken the graff world by storm with its local talent, fast becoming the hot place to paint in the region and attracting a wide variety of visiting artist.
Artists by nature are able to look past first impressions to see the converging aspects of what really is, with established locals using the strength of this ability to transform Beirut, giving everyone a taste of something fresh and appealing – no matter who may be enjoying it. Some of the benefits I have noticed over time is the consistently evolving, dynamic, positive impacts in general, but particularly with the young people engaged in graff & street art in Lebanon- who are developing their skills and looking up to the local accomplished artists to keep thm sharp. The owner of this blog has published various projects which have engaged a wide variety of young people and these mediums, and there have been a number of exhibitions showcasing young established talent, all who were well received.

When I first came across Mahmoud just a few months ago, he was creating beautiful, striking photographs for his photography page, which captures the day to day life of those caught up in the Syrian war. He is highly talented in a number of artistic disciplines and has recently been doing more graff with others around their city, which is often under attack of some form. In many ways it is like a reclaiming of the life of the city, paint on the broken walls is something to look at fondly, with accomplishment and pride.

Much of his photographic work is documenting the realities in Syria as he encounters them and his images are powerful. Although this medium provides such a striking capture of the reality, it is a problem when it comes to the trauma aspect, surviving and being exposed to these events and realities first hand is one thing, then going over the images to select, edit and publish the work is another. Being an artist and attempting to represent the realities of the city he lives in, while also remaining open to critique, is simply a phenomenal insight into the strength of his young character; although the repeated imagery cannot but increase the compounding fatigue of war.

lens-ibn-al-balad-3 — البلد #سوريا
المكان #درعا #المخيم
التاريخ الــيــوم 24 – أيلول 2013
Country #Syria

You can imagine how happy I was to see Mahmoud and his mate painting and being interviewed for a Syrian TV article. They are clearly enjoying painting and appear to have a whole new lease of life exploring the recent ruins, photographing their adventures and now painting the walls of their stomping ground.
I look forward to witnessing the continual evolution of these art mediums and enjoying the positive impacts it keeps giving so graciously to all who take the time to appreciate the offering.

[hr]

For more information:

Mahmoud’s photography page:
https://www.facebook.com/lens.ibn.alballad?fref=ts
Video (about Mahmoud’s graffiti and his friends): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9h_qbR4Ro8&feature=youtu.be&fb_source=message

La cause des droits des femmes au Liban : un état des lieux

Mon article publié par l’Orient-le-Jour (Liban, 21-11-2013)

À première vue, l’on peut affirmer qu’une partie des Libanaises jouissent d’une marge de liberté introuvable dans certains pays avoisinants, qu’elles peuvent conduire une voiture, enseigner dans des classes mixtes à l’école et à l’université, avoir accès aux soins de santé comme les hommes, boire un kir royal dans un bar huppé de Beyrouth, se pavaner en minijupe, devenir directrice d’une agence ou entrepreneure… Et l’on peut se réjouir de certains acquis ou avancées : la Constitution libanaise engage le Liban à appliquer la déclaration universelle des droits de l’homme et proclame l’égalité politique des Libanais ; le Liban a ratifié la convention sur l’élimination de toutes les formes de discrimination à l’égard des femmes en 1997 (pourtant avec des réserves : articles 9, 16 et 29) ; quelques progrès furent réalisés dans le domaine de l’éducation des femmes, en particulier l’éducation supérieure – selon le Programme des Nations unies pour le développement, les femmes représentent la moitié de la population universitaire libanaise ; l’article 562 du code pénal concernant les crimes d’honneur fut aboli en 2011 ; la société civile inclut des individus, des groupes et des associations militant pour les droits humains et les droits des femmes en particulier depuis des décennies, et dont les initiatives ne peuvent qu’être louées.

Toutefois, selon le rapport mondial sur l’écart entre les genres publié il y a moins d’un mois par le Forum économique mondial (WEF) à Genève, le Liban occupe la 123e place sur 136 pays, avec une piètre 133e place au niveau de la participation à la vie politique. Les dispositions légales discriminatoires à l’égard des femmes persistent dans la loi sur le statut personnel et dans le code pénal – l’acquittement d’un violeur condamné s’il épouse sa victime en est un exemple flagrant ! La violence domestique et le viol marital constituent une problématique d’envergure nationale à traiter d’urgence. Selon une étude menée par le Fonds des Nations unies pour la population, plus des deux tiers des femmes du pays souffrent d’une forme de violence domestique. Roula Yaacoub, cette jeune mère battue à mort par son époux au mois de juillet, ne constitue nullement un cas isolé. Le projet de loi récemment approuvé par une commission parlementaire nécessite des amendements, surtout qu’il n’y est pas question de criminalisation du viol marital et qu’il préserve l’autorité des lois religieuses. En outre, la loi libanaise interdit qu’une femme puisse passer sa nationalité à ses enfants et son mari ; or cette question de transmission de la nationalité n’est pas marginale. Elle est liée aux problématiques de la citoyenneté, de l’identité, de la gestion de la diversité, du confessionnalisme et du statut personnel. Au Liban, plus d’un million de femmes seraient en âge de travailler alors que la grande majorité d’entre elles sont inactives – le taux d’activité selon le rapport de la Banque mondiale est de 22 %.

Pourquoi la cause des droits des femmes peine-t-elle à avancer ? Je cite ici quelques obstacles, sans prétendre à l’exhaustivité : la guerre (physique et psychologique), le racisme et les injustices sociales, l’ignorance culturelle, les déboires du confessionnalisme en tant que système de gestion sociopolitique (communautarisme et confessionnalisme juridique ou du statut personnel) et train de vie/mentalité, les interprétations religieuses littérales et conservatrices des textes sacrés et la montée des fondamentalismes et mouvements extrémistes, les tours d’ivoire au sein de la société civile (la compétition malsaine et la rareté des partenariats), la léthargie d’une large partie du peuple (dont les jeunes universitaires, ou leur suivisme à l’aveuglette qui les empêche de s’engager dans la défense de causes communes et nationales telle les droits humains), le système patriarcal et la mentalité patriarcale (enfermant certes l’homme en des rôles et images stéréotypées, mais encore plus, la femme), le sexisme et la misogynie internes (entre femmes), etc.

Face à ces nombreux obstacles et à bien d’autres encore, que faire ? Il est évident qu’un examen et une révision systématiques de toute la législation devrait être entrepris afin d’atteindre une conformité totale aux dispositions des conventions internationales ratifiées par le Liban, et qu’un code du statut personnel civil commun devrait être adopté. Mais les lois ne suffisent pas. On l’a bien vu avec la fameuse loi sur le tabagisme dans les lieux publics. Il va falloir agir, à partir de la base, et élargir les lieux de lutte, tout en créant des partenariats tant au sein de la société civile qu’avec des institutions étatiques et politiques. Une révolution des mentalités devrait advenir, même si cela devait prendre des décennies. Pour que, justement, les femmes cessent d’être spectatrices, figurantes, mineures qui ne peuvent décider, exclues de la vie publique, de la politique, de l’histoire, et cessent d’être réduites à leur seule nature et condition de mère/épouse soumise ou de bel objet à admirer et baiser. Cette révolution, les femmes vont devoir la faire, mais avec les hommes, pour le bien de tous, quelle que soit leur appartenance. Pour les progrès restant à accomplir, beaucoup d’efforts seront encore nécessaires, mais ce ne sera qu’un défi de plus à relever. Car au-delà des empêchements, des doutes et des difficultés, le génie des êtres humains, le génie des Libanais (es), c’est de croire en soi et en l’égalité, de ne pas baisser la garde et de continuer à lutter pour ses droits.

*Le texte est un résumé de la conférence donnée par la Dre Chrabieh le samedi 9 novembre 2013 au Salon francophone du livre de Beyrouth (table ronde sur La cause des droits des femmes au Liban : avancées et obstacles – Liban, Algérie, France –, organisée par Women in Front).

Pity our Nation ? (II)

dr-pamela-chrabieh-red-lips-high-heels — Dr. Pamela Chrabieh (Red Lips High Heels)

I published ‘Pity our Nation?’ in August 2013 and this is the second part…

Yesterday’s suicide bombings resulted in one of the many massacres occurring in the land of what was once called ‘The Switzerland of the East’. Another physical and psychological wound… Another brick in the wall of hatred – the Lebanese Wall of Shame… Another threat to the spirit of dialogue and conviviality…

Two questions could be raised here:

What are the usual reactions to physical carnages in Lebanon and do they contribute to peacebuilding?

Is there a possible way to end violence or is violence the nature of Lebanese?

1) The usual responses to massacres and physical conflicts are the call for a consensus between the major political parties/leaders/coalitions – i.e. the warlords -; the mutual blaming speech – ‘YOU are responsible! NOT US’; the denial posture – ‘This is nothing. We are used to it. Tamsa7na! Anyways we cannot change our situation. This is Lebanon. Others export tea, coffee and petrol, we generate and export terrorism’; the ‘sauve-qui-peut’ attitude: ‘I cannot live in this country. I will leave as soon as I get a visa and never look back’.

Surely, these responses/reactions do not pave the way for sustainable peace, but add fuel to the fire of violence and twist the knife of war. Peace cannot be built with old horses in the stables, especially when the horses are the actors of war. Peace cannot be built with the same logic used in the past decades – even if it is true old habits die hard -, i.e. ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’ (al 3ayn bil 3ayn wal sinn bil sinn).

2) There are ways to end violence, or at least stop the vicious cycles of physical/psychological clashes and create larger spaces of peace. As I see it, there should be first the recognition of the violence inside every one of us, as individuals and communities, the internalized violence. Most Lebanese were (and still are) subjected to decades of wars, local, regional and international on their land. Giving the fact that there was never a reconciliation process, nor the implementation of mechanisms of sustainable peace, Lebanese internalize/d the violence that is used to control them and this violence reproduces within families from one generation to the next. This internalized violence produces lateral violence – and vice versa! -: oppressed people retreat to their groups (sectarian community, political party, tribe, family…), refuse to interact positively beyond the borders of these groups and reflect this internalization of violence in different forms of societal violence.

However, can this violence be called ‘natural’? In other terms, is violence the nature of Lebanese? Yes if one just listens to and believes the stereotypes and awful statements about Lebanese: ‘Lebanese are only victims’, ‘Lebanese are only terrorists’, ‘Lebanese are only followers’, ‘Lebanese will never be free’, ‘War is our fate’, ‘Violence is the only valid approach to problem solving’, etc. Violence is certainly deeply embedded in the Lebanese culture but it is not the nature of Lebanese people. Violence may be a virus Lebanese caught – refer to Adnan Houbballah who develops a psychoanalytical reading of the Lebanese war and traumatic neurosis in his books ‘Le virus de la violence’ and ‘Destin du traumatisme’. Violence may have become part of our genetic heritage – but even genes can mutate! Violence may have been rationalized and even considered ethical in some cases. Many Lebanese have become addicted to violence on every level of society, and this addiction pervades our culture in language, media, sectarian/political/national celebrations and even children games. Many Lebanese believe that weapons provide a sense of security… a false sense – the ‘security’ of weapons is a hallow attempt to preserve one’s power and ultimately one’s sense of self!

However, I refuse to think of violence as the nature of Lebanese and their ‘qadar’ (fate), their alpha and omega. There are Lebanese believing in peace and trying to build it. There are Lebanese living together, respecting their differences and managing their diversity on a daily basis. There are Lebanese who experience the exorcism of violence and remind us of this possibility. There are Lebanese who challenge the societal norm that violence is a normal part of life. There are Lebanese who ‘think’ a culture of peace and ‘do it’, ‘live it’! There are Lebanese who truly believe that nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit, who not only refuse to shoot a man, but also refuse to hate him (quoting Martin Luther King Jr.). Those Lebanese are found everywhere, across all sectarian branches and social-economic stratifications, living in Lebanon or in diaspora, in cities and villages, in our workplaces, neighborhoods and within every family. Those Lebanese are to be found in every one of us, with peace as their first article of faith and the last article of their creed!

(To be continued…)

On Motherhood and Womanhood

Numerous are the times when I – and other women intellectuals and activists in Lebanon – am criticized for being a woman who ‘thinks’ (meaning challenges mainstream and traditional mindset and system) and ‘works’… ‘Why bother?’, ‘Women should only be sluts, housewives and mothers’, ‘Thinking gives bad ideas, like abandoning your husband and children’, ‘Working outside one’s house is a Western invention. We have our own Eastern traditions’, ‘Shopping is your answer’, ‘Go back to your kitchen ya Hurma’, ‘A woman who prefers her carrier over marriage is definitely ugly, frustrated, or mentally sick’, etc.

I am a mother, but I strongly believe that being a mother does not stop your thinking capacities or any other capacities, that ‘thinking’ does not lower your motherhood faculties, and that the process of ‘thinking’ is not related to a category of human beings – i.e. men. I also believe that being a mother is not my only condition and vocation as a woman, and that the equation of motherhood with womanhood is an essentialism. There is a strong presumption that women can, will and want to be mothers, and … that is/would be it! Women are naturalized (via notions of maternal instinct, religious interpretations and biological pseudoexplanation) and essentialized as mothers – and of course submissive mothers.

In Lebanon and the surrounding Arab countries, the culture of idealization of motherhood (and a mother of boys) prevails as the crowning fulfillment of a woman’s life – but only if she is married (motherhood is ‘sacred’ so long as its offspring are ‘legitimate’; children are only legitimate if they have a man’s name and if that man legally controls the mother) -, as well as a clear public/private divide, making women economically dependent upon men, and-or disadvantaged within the paid labor market. Except for few cases, women are usually seen as ‘less committed’ thus are paid less or are not appointed to high managerial positions because of their current, or presumed future, childcare commitments. And let us not forget the impact of the cult status of motherhood within Islam and Christianity, and how it influences individuals’ perceptions of women without children (child-less or child-free) – generally regarded as not quite fully female -, while mothers who leave their children in the care of others, even on a part-time basis, are vulnerable to the charge of generating ‘maternal deprivation’.

There are feminists who envisaged repudiating motherhood as only and entirely oppressive, like Canadian-born feminist Shulamith Firestone (The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution, 1970). Firestone described pregnancy as “barbaric”, and wrote that a friend of hers compared labor to “shitting a pumpkin”. But there are others such as American poet Adrienne Rich who reclaimed pre-patriarchal features of the bodily and social experience of motherhood, as an actual or metaphorical representation of women’s creativity. Rich’s Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Institution and Experience (1976) is a thoughtful, non-fiction prose examination of motherhood that could have been written in 2013. She argues in her book that women are still experiencing motherhood as institution, as a set of rules and regulations imposed by outsiders. “Institutionalized motherhood demands of women maternal ‘instinct’ rather than intelligence, selflessness rather than self-realization, relation to others rather than the creation of self” (p.42). Therefore, “The mother’s battle for her child—with sickness, with poverty, with war, with all the forces of exploitation and callousness that cheapen human life—needs to become a common human battle, waged in love and in the passion for survival. But for this to happen, the institution of motherhood must be destroyed” (p. 280) – meaning the patriarchal institution of motherhood!

Motherhood is but one dimension of a woman’s being. I am a mother, indeed, but I am not only a mother. And there are women who are not mothers. Rather than being only defined as ‘the wife of’ and ‘the mother of’, or by the status of childless, ‘aaness’, etc., we should be able to define ourselves in terms of our multidimensional identities/capacities/vocations, as all humans should be… Also, becoming a mother should not mean to be isolated and not allowed to participate in the social/political/professional world. Motherhood does not limit our actual possibilities as women and the expansion of the limits of our life.

As Adrienne Rich called for a world in which every woman is the presiding genius of her own body, I call for every Lebanese and Arab woman’s right to find out what she does feel, want and need, instead of accepting what she has been told she must feel/do. I call for her right to think the unthought, re-think the thought, and choose. I call for her right to listen to the many voices inside herself! There is nothing inappropriate, inconsequential or scandalous about not being a mother, or being a mother and active citizen and professional. And there are certainly no ‘incongruent’ parts of yourself, as a woman, a human being, especially your intellectual, spiritual and aesthetic creations, that must be ‘destroyed’.

Au royaume des aveugles, le borgne est roi…

Dans le cadre d’un projet de travail, j’ai été emmenée à passer quelques jours en Arabie Saoudite, a Dhahran pour être plus précise, la région la plus ouverte du pays.

De l’Arabie Saoudite, je ne connaissais que les dates, le pétrole, le livre de Sultana et les racontars. Essentiellement, toutes mes connaissances qui y vivent/ont vécu – pour du travail bien sûr – n’ont pas aimé y être.

Pendant 5 jours, j’ai appris à ne pas sortir de ma chambre d’hôtel sans aabaya, à éviter les hommes en gallaba comme la peste, à composer avec des petits fonctionnaires saoudiens imbus d’un pouvoir dérisoire… comme ce moment où, au passage des douanes, à l’entrée au pays, on me demande ainsi qu’à mes deux collègues de couper la longue file d’attente afin de nous diriger vers une « cabine » de douanier où personne n’attendait. Deux d’entre nous passent, mais le douanier décide de faire passer un saoudien juste avant ma collègue. Il entame une conversation de 15 minutes avec le monsieur qui, au cours de ladite conversation, répond à son téléphone et parle pendant un autre quart d’heure, avant de retourner à sa conversation avec le douanier… 40 minutes plus tard, nous pouvons enfin passer.

Bref, je me rends bien compte maintenant que notre séjour aurait pu être bien pire et qu’au final, tous ces moments en aabaya n’étaient pas si pires. Il n’empêche que les quelques minutes passées dehors, toute de noire vêtue, sous la chaleur torride, me font demander comment ces femmes supportent ce noir de la tête aux pieds…

D’accord, je porte peut-être un regard péjoratif envers ces femmes. Mais la question me hante : comment la majorité des femmes ont-elles la force de vivre dans une servitude totale vis-à-vis d’un système … archaïque (pour ne pas dire autre chose) – parce qu’il en faut de la force pour subir un joug – et ne pas avoir la force de remettre en question – et de lutter- contre cet état de fait?

Au cours de ce voyage, quelques remarques et quelques lectures ont déclenché encore plus de questionnements :

D’abord, en réponse à une blague, la mère d’une de mes collègues déclare que sa fille ne montera pas en voiture si elle poste sa aabaya à l’aéroport.

Ensuite, la remarque « au moins au Liban les droits des femmes sont “conservés” » (traduction littérale de l’arabe : « 7kouk el mara ma7fouza ») a d’abord suscité mon accord, instinctif lorsque j’étais en aabaya, avant que je ne me reprenne et que je réalise que les apparences sont trompeuses.

Enfin, à l’aéroport, durant nos 3 heures de transfert à Doha, en rentrant au Liban, j’ai lu un extrait du livre de Jean Sassoon « Princess Sultana’s Daughters » qui raconte la condition des femmes de la royauté en Arabie Saoudite.

A partir de là je ne peux m’empêcher de me demander quelle est la différence entre une femme saoudienne totalement à la merci des hommes de sa famille, habillée en noir des pieds à la tête et qui n’a pas le droit de conduire et celles qui, libres de s’habiller comme elles veulent, libres de choisir leur maris, libres de conduire, sacrifient leurs vies et leurs rêves pour la carrière de leur mari, travaillent à mi-temps ou rentrent tôt pour préparer le repas à leur mari.

C’est là où les apparences sont trompeuses… parce qu’au Liban, pays entouré de nations aux régimes plus durs, contrée de vacances pour les Arabes justement (Arabie Saoudite entre autre), les femmes ne sont pas toutes en aabaya ; elles conduisent, travaillent, sortent, boivent, et ont accès à bien des distractions, services et autres. Au Liban, les femmes semblent libres comme l’air ; libres de leur destin, de leurs actions et de leurs droits… Tant qu’on ne cherche pas à gratter cette image que nous renvoie la vie sociale du Liban, il est bien facile d’y croire.

La situation (et la comparaison, même si elle ne devrait pas se faire) entre l’Arabie Saoudite et le Liban me fait penser à un prisonnier oublié dans une cellule sous terre, survivant dans des conditions inhumaines et à un autre, condamné à vivre à perpétuité dans une grande chambre avec trois repas par jour et une vue de rêve, et la porte de la prison cachée par une peinture merveilleuse…

Qu’est ce qui prime dans ce cas ? Une crainte pour sa survie immédiate ou l’illusion de liberté ? Le format de la prison ou les limites de la liberté ?

Peut-être que l’illusion de liberté est aveuglante lorsque les besoins essentiels du corps sont satisfaits. Peut-être est-il plus facile de se convaincre qu’une situation donnée est un choix personnel lorsque la survie de base est assurée… Lorsque le corps va tout va…

Je sais que je n’invente rien, mais dans ce cas précis, il me semble que cette dualité/contradiction est directement liée à la condition de bien des femmes.

De plus, quelle est la différence entre ces femmes qui n’ont juridiquement pas d’égalité avec les hommes mais qui obtiennent ces égalités grâce à un employeur équitable et/ou une famille « ouverte » et « moderne » (même si ces termes sont génériques et ne véhiculent pas nécessairement la même chose pour tout le monde) et qui les aident et protègent (en cas de séparation, divorce, agression, etc.) – comme cette femme saoudienne qui a défié l’interdiction de conduire et que son mari a filmé au volant, en signe d’encouragement, et celles qui ont légalement des droits qui ne sont pas appliqués ni renforcés (comme ces femmes battues dans les pays où il existe des structures légales pour leur venir en aide) ?

Bien sûr, je suis pleinement consciente qu’au Liban les femmes sont loin d’avoir leurs droits, mais quatre jours dans la ville la plus ouverte d’Arabie Saoudite m’ont permis de réaliser que finalement, malgré tout le travail à faire au Liban, au moins nous avons une illusion que d’autres n’ont pas. Une illusion qui leurre l’Occident mais qui fait de nous un paradis pour celles qui sont encore plus opprimées…

Au royaume des aveugles, le borgne est roi…

Nous, au moins, on peut conduire… Même s’il y aura tout le temps plein d’hommes pour nous dire comment faire demi-tour…

Nous, au moins on peut monter seules sur scène et chanter…. Même s’il y en aura toujours pour nous traiter de putes (avec tous mes respects pour celles-ci justement)…

Nous au moins, on peut être photographes même s’il y en aura toujours pour nous dire comment prendre une photo…

Nous au moins, nous au moins… La liste est très longue. Et c’est justement là où je reviens aux apparences…

Parce qu’on a beau porter des jupes courtes à la mode, on a beau avoir la liberté de boire et de fumer et de conduire, au Liban, il y en aura toujours à qui l’on dit qui épouser, quoi ne pas faire… Il y en aura toujours qui n’ont pas le droit de travailler (c’est même écrit en chanson … Sans commentaires), ou de choisir leur vie… Et tant qu’il y a des femmes qui n’ont pas de droits, aucune d’entre nous ne peut en avoir. Parce que l’égalité des droits ne peut pas s’arrêter à quelques individus. Si elle n’est pas absolue, il y en aura toujours pour la contester et donc l’invalider.

Mais ce qui me fait encore plus peur, au-delà des différences du cadre légal entre le Liban et l’Arabie Saoudite, ce sont les similitudes…. La quasi-absence de recours pour les femmes agressées sexuellement et/ou autre, le viol conjugal, le crime d’honneur (chez les chrétiens et les musulmans, que personne ne se fasse d’illusions…), la garde des enfants, l’obligation au mariage… Et là où la famille ne met pas de pression, la société s’en charge…

Et pour clore le texte et la réflexion, à l’aéroport, à notre arrivée, nous avons attendu 3 heures le bon vouloir de celui qui vérifie les passeports à l’entrée du pays afin que monsieur daigne rendre le passeport à la dernière personne du groupe. La raison de l’attente? Absolument aucune. Môssieur faisait un exercice de pouvoir… Un exercice qui s’est répété durant 4 jours avec d’autres représentants de la loi qui jouissaient d’un minuscule pouvoir sur nous (comme je le disais au début)…

J’avoue, pendant 4 jours, avoir détesté chaque seconde passée en Arabie Saoudite. Et, moi qui râlais contre le Liban parce que je le comparais au Canada, j’avais hâte pendant 4 jours de retourner au Liban ou, au moins, « ça n’arrive pas. »

Mais là, dans l’avion, je me toise avec ironie. Ça n’arrive pas ? Vraiment ?

Pense à l’embouteillage monstre causé par un « daraké » qui fait un brin de causette avec un chauffeur, ou au « amen aam » à l’aéroport qui décide de fouiller tes bagages pour te glisser son numéro de téléphone, ou à l’employé d’une administration quelconque qui ne veut vraiment pas coopérer… Ici, ou à Montréal…

Comme quoi, sous tous les cieux, l’être humain est le même. Certains se vêtent d’un pouvoir dérisoire sur les autres, pendant que d’autres rêvent de simplement pouvoir être…

Why Gender Equality is important? My opinion

Gender Discrimination has always been a rather pressing and important matter which has been discussed by many around the world but was never given the care and true value it deserved in the Middle East for example. While it is true that in some countries—mainly developed countries—women have become equal to men (and they fight to preserve their rights), many more still remain unequal.

In Saudi Arabia, a woman cannot sue a man for raping her and a wife must speak with her husband before doing anything. In Yemen, a woman is considered to be only half a witness. In the MENA region, the number of stateless individuals is growing – for example, the ones who do not possess nationality due to numerous reasons like stateless parents, failure to register for citizenship, and gender discriminatory laws. Because of the lack of documentation linking them to the current state they live in, these individuals are deprived of the rights that are handed to an individual with a nationality, such as the issuing of birth and marriage certificates as well as schooling and work. The situation gets worse when gender discriminatory laws and customs reproduce statelessness in new generations, who are unable to live a decent life and pursue their ambitions.

A report published by The Women’s Refugee Commission and the Statelessness Program of Tilburg Law School examines the relationship between gender discrimination and statelessness in the Middle East. In this report, four countries (Jordan, Kuwait, Egypt, and Morocco) were picked as case studies to be able to explain the different aspects of gender discrimination and statelessness. It examines the effect of statelessness on processes of life, such as starting a family, which stateless individuals are often unable to do due to lack of documentation, lack of financial resources and inability to find partners. The report also examines the effect of statelessness on family (dis)unity and property rights. Importantly, there is also a discussion of the psychological well-being of individuals within families suffering from statelessness, and this discussion includes both those who are stateless and those who hold nationality. The writers of the report also offer several important recommendations to states, civil society, and international organizations, to improve the situation of stateless individuals.

There is a direct link between gender equality and the well-being of children. With gender equality, the survival and development of the child is guaranteed. Women and children can benefit from gender equality. Women who are educated, healthy and more importantly empowered, have children who are educated, healthy and confident. Gender equality will not only empower women to overcome poverty and live full and productive lives, but will better the lives of children, families and countries as well. Women’s equal rights and influence in the key decisions that shape their lives and those of children must be enhanced in three distinct arenas: the household, the workplace and the political sphere. A change for the better in any one of these realms influences women’s equality in the others, and has a profound and positive impact on child’s well-being and development. Other than being morally right, gender equality is crucial to human progress and sustainable development. Promoting gender equality and empowering women will help with overcoming other issues such as poverty, hunger, saving children’s lives, improving maternal health, ensuring universal education, etc.

I do believe that it is time for women—and whoever believes in their cause and in human rights’ cause in general—to fight against gender discrimination in the Middle East. Let it be time to end the suffering, the sadness. Time to move aside the inequality to make room for equality. It may be a long shot but women in the Middle East should unite and protest (whether on the streets or online via social networks). It is time to make a collective statement. Through unity comes strength and power and only through unity comes VICTORY. Let it be known that Middle Eastern women have much to present to their countries and to the world.

[hr]

References:

About Premarital Sex and Sexism! My opinion

Many debates have taken place recently, especially in the Middle East, and many articles have been talking about sex before marriage. But the thing is, despite what the majority’s opinion is, it always concerns women… Can women have any sexual relations before marriage? Or is it a death penalty in religions? What does God have to say about it? Does it bring shame to the family of a woman? All these questions have been asked, and sure enough the answer is against sex before marriage, it is always about what society believes is true, what people believe God said, and that it’s something a woman has to do to preserve the honor of her family.

But when it comes to men, the rule doesn’t apply… Strange… People forget that women AND men are both equal human beings. So when this rule applies to one ‘category’, it has to apply to the other. You can’t be against premarital sex for women, but for men… sure… why not??!!! It proves how “strong” and “manly” they are. On the other hand, a woman who has slept with one man is called a sl**, but a man who has slept with a bunch of women is a “hero”. I’m not saying what’s wrong and what’s right… I’m not saying what you should or shouldn’t believe. All I’m saying is, as long as you put your arguments for or against it, let it be fair, and equal, for both sexes. For example, about the religious arguments:

For Christians who hold the Bible and say that God said NO to premarital sex, and that’s why a woman must stay a virgin until her wedding day, I quote: [Jesus] said, “It is what comes out of a person that defiles. For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come: fornication, theft, murder, adultery, avarice, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, folly. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a PERSON.” (NRSV, Mark 7:20-23)

It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.(English Standard Version,1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

For Muslims who hold the same beliefs, here’s a quote from the Qur’an: Chapter 24, verse 2 : “The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication, – flog each of them with a hundred stripes: Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment”.

These quotes cited above don’t need to be explained… Clear enough!!

Men and women are creatures of the same species. They both share the same needs, including: eating, drinking… and even SEX. In this case, why should women be forced to ignore one of their needs, while men have the right to fulfill it? Religion (or religious interpretations) seems to be just a cover for what society thinks of women: lesser human beings!!! It seems to act as an excuse to keep traditions/opinions/beliefs that have been around for thousands of years. While in reality it all comes down to sexism. Unfortunately, sexism isn’t only found in the issue of premarital sex…

“- Are you with premarital sex?
HELL YEAH!
– Would you marry a girl who had premarital sex?
ARE YOU INSANE? ”

(Typical Middle Eastern guys’ opinions/beliefs)

[hr]

References
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.mediterraneas.org/article.php3?id_article=390.
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.fdcd.org/media_r.php?Id=4&t=Articles&Id1=41.
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://sexisminlebanon.blogspot.com/.
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://amptoons.com/blog/2005/05/23/middle-eastern-women-going-to-extremes-to-save-their-lives/.
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.christianbiblereference.org/faq_premaritalsex.htm.
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://amptoons.com/blog/2005/05/23/middle-eastern-women-going-to-extremes-to-save-their-lives/.
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://amptoons.com/blog/2005/05/23/middle-eastern-women-going-to-extremes-to-save-their-lives/.

REPORT: Lebanon ranks 16 out of 22 as best Arab State for Women

a�?According to a Thomson Reuteurs poll for best Arab state for women, Lebanon ranked 16 out 22. The surprise is that the low ranking was due to legislation which is not favorable towards women in Lebanon.a�?

A�If we recap the last few years, we realize how much we are stuck in our place. What happened is simple: the MPs gave our women some of their rights, with the use of discrimination and male hierarchy of course to accommodate this male societya��s ego, and by giving a little they hoped to silence them for a while. Did that work?

We had the a�?Bill for the Protection of Women and Family Members against Domestic Violencea�? drafted and amended as expected. It seems hard to imagine that people, women or men, can get their rights from the first attempt in this country. The rights of women, based on this bill, have been altered in a way to ensure that men still have the upper hand. Well, to be honest, who are the people in charge of passing laws? How many of them are women? Truth be told, nobody can make it into politics without being packed up, but the number of active women is on the low end. We only see women giving speeches when they are supporting their husbands, brothers, fathers, etc. More often, women are simply occupying the air around these political leaders, dressed nicely for the viewers, nodding when they are asked to and giving their vote when it is needed.

We had the campaign to urge violent men to seek help. Some men did, while the majority of the population, men and women, doesn’t see a problem with men a�?disciplininga�? their wives by the use of verbal or physical violence.

We had the campaign to remove the sponsorship system for the migrant workers. There were demonstrations, protests, sit-ins, organized and carried out by different NGOs. There was a proposal to reform the sponsorship system for migrant domestic workers to prevent the denial of migrant workersa�� basic rights and to prevent them from being targeted for exploitation and trafficking.

So, after years of proposals we still have not made noticeable progress. Why? Well, we still elect the same politicians who did nothing the first time around. They tempt us with money, thata��s all. They buy our vote for a couple of hundreds of dollars, they take their seat, and do nothing and the same cycle restarts every election term. And worst yet, we’ve provided these politicians with the nerve to extend their own ruling period without any consideration for the population!

Is it really a surprise that Lebanon ranked 16^th when it comes to womena��s rights in the Arab world? To me, it isna��t. We treat our sisters as if they were inferior to us, we expect our daughters to do as we say and follow the rules just because we put it there, we want our wives to be untouched yet we want to be the Casanova of the Middle East. The problem is we believe we are better than the rest of the Arab countries, with all our materialistic possessions and our shallow opinions. For some reason it is rooted in our brains that we are above the rest of the Arab world, that we are westernized. We speak French, we speak English, and yet we can barely form a sentence in Arabic. So no, we are not better than every other Arab country. If anything, we are worst, because as long as we dona��t see that we have gone wrong somewhere along the road we dona��t have the means to reform and actually better ourselves.

قصتي مع العنف

في معظم الأوقات اكتب يومياتي،لكن لن أحاول ولو مرةً واحدة الرجوع إليها وإعادة قرأتها.لكن تختلف المناسبة اليوم.سأروي قصتي لمرة الأولى،بجرأةٍ وصدق لتأكيد لكم مدى أهمية وجود أي قانون يحمي المرأة من العنف ومن هذا المجتمع البدائي.

ما أصعب التكلم عن حدث لطالما حاولت جاهداً غض النظر عنه ونسيانه…كانت عينيها تدمعان وهي تحاول تذكر ما اهانى كرامتها

وقالت أمي:كانت المرة الأولى والوحيدة التي تعد فيها رجلاً علي….

-لا ليس زوجي بل أخيه الأصغر .

كان يوماً عادياً،لكن تحول مأسوياً

فدخل المنزل مستاءً وكان ينعتني بكلمةٍ بذيئة ،فلم يكون علي إلى أن أقول له :

إحترم نفسك وأخرج من منزلي،وهذه الجملة كانت كافية لتعدي علي وضربي.

قصتي نقطة في بحر العنف المتفشي في وطننا العربي.ورغم بساطتها،كان يراودني إحساس بل ذنب وشعور بالمسؤلية عن كل ما له علاقة برفاهية وسعادة أطفالي(مكتئبة،خائفة،لا أشعر بالأمان(وما يمنع التعدي علي مرةً ثانية،كان أثر التعدي علي وعلى عائلتي صعباً مؤلماً. وسيطر على المنزل جو من البرودة لمدة أشهر،.. لطالما سألت نفسي ما هو مصير المرأة التي تعيش مع العنف يومياً ؟؟

كنت متأكد على وجود تكتم وصمت عند النساء المعنفات.الى جانب ذلك الاقتناع بالنصيب هناك اسباب اخرى تمنع النساء من الكشف عن مصيرهن المليء بالعذاب والقهر لا سيما من الناحية القانونية وصعوبة تطبيقها. وسيؤدي ذلك إلى مشاكل نفسية،التفكير في الإنتحار وهذا إن لم تمت على يد زوجها.

كفى،أوقفوا العنف ضد النساء.

يا جماعة ،المرأة هي أم،زوجة،انسانة حرة،ولديها جميع المواصفات لتكون فعالة في المجتمع المدني أكثر من أي رجل،وتحسين الظروف المعيشية والاقتصادية والتعليمية،وأن تعبر عن رأيها بالطرق المباحة

فلا يجوز بعد الأن تعنيف أي إمرأة.

العنف هو إنتهاك صارخ لحقوق الإنسان،إنه مرفوض بكافة أشكالة وأنواعه وعلى كافة مستوياته.
يجب على الدولة حماية كافة مواطنيها من العنف ومن دون تمييز. وإلتزاماً منها بالإتفاقيات الدولية أن تقوم بدورها التشريعي لإلغاء التمييز في قوانينها وإصدار قوانين تحمي المرأة من العنف…
إلغاء التمييز وإحقاق المواطنة الكاملة للمرأة في لبنان…

أخيراً المرأة هي كائن حي ضعيف جسدياً يستحق الحرية وقانوناً يحميه من هذا التخلف المتفشي في مجتمعنا،فلابد من وجود بعض التدابير الحازمة بإمكان أي انسان القيام بها لخلق مساحة كافية لكائن لطالما كان خائف من الطيران وتحليق في سماء هذه الحياة الجميلة .